Mark Penn

From The Room: Olympic Hopeful Enlists Mark Penn to Create Feel-Good Back Story

June 26, 2008 - Former Clinton adviser eager to "fill in the blanks" in gymnast's shockingly uneventful narrative. IRVINGTON, New York (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- Sticking your landing under the fierce gaze of the Karolyis--Martha and Bela--is...

From The Room: The Clintons' Chief Strategist

April 12, 2008 - Bill. Hill. This is Satan sitting on your shoulder. Nice suit by the way, Hill. Love the red on you. And Bill, love all the pink ties. Very subtle. Very bumpkinsexual of you. I am Satan and I enjoy your clothes, but I digress. I am here to tempt you...

From The Room: The Inside Story Behind the Mark Penn Saga

April 8, 2008 - Soccer Moms: Busy suburban mothers concerned with issues heavy on symbolism, like curfews, school uniforms and teen smoking. Soccer Wives: Former members of the Spice Girls who are married to David Beckham. Soccer Balls: Equipment used when playi...

From The Room: Where Is Mark Penn Now?

April 7, 2008 - Now that Marc Penn is no longer working for Hillary Clinton there are only so many jobs this union busting back door dealing Blackwater PR man can do. Some suggestions 1. Guy who takes peoples parking spots 2. Baby puncher. 3. Guy who sits at the back of the bar...

If they IM'd: Hillary Clinton and Mark Penn

April 7, 2008 - Hillary Clinton's campaign took yet another Sisyphean turn this weekend when Mark Penn, her chief strategist, stepped down from his post amid apparent conflict...

Quick Quiz: Hillary Clinton

March 24, 2008 - With Hillary Clinton clinging to the sinking ship of her campaign like a barnacle, Paul Slansky has some questions about a woman he didn't used to dislike as much as he now does...

From The Room: Hillary Clinton's War on Hope

March 7, 2008 - When a race is summed up as Old School vs Change, you would think the best option for the old school candidate is to try to embody change. Be new, happy, exciting. But instead, Hillary Clinton has decided to become cartoonishly villainous by mocking Obama's call for hope. Watch...

Inappropriate Hottie Rundown: Clinton Campaign Staffers

March 6, 2008 - The Washington Post reports that members of Hillary Clinton's campaign staff are at each other's throats. Last month, a communications director shouted "fuck you all," as he stormed out of a meeting, before disappearing for days. Chief strategist Mark Penn exchanged "fuck yous" with Harold Ickes dur...

From The Room: Hillary: As Far As I Know

March 3, 2008 - Barack Obama is not a Muslim - as far as I know. Jesse Jackson ran a good campaign in South Carolina in 1984 and 1988 and won - as far as I know. Neither Billy Shaheen nor BET Founder Bob Johnson will be making comments about Barack's drug use as a...

From The Room: Fearmongering

March 3, 2008 - ...

GOP struggling for ways to subtly call Barack Obama a liberal, terrorist n-word

February 29, 2008 - With Barack Obama emerging as a frontrunner, the Republican party is trying to readjust its playbook. This week, Karl Rove advised against using the Senator's middle name, Hussein, because it would...

From The Room: The Majordick Chronicles

February 28, 2008 - Upon moving into the run-down Blackwater Estate, little Mark Penn finds himself pulled into an alternate world full of private mercenary firms, perpetual war games, and tiny triangulating Clinton faeries...

From The Room: Clinton Celebrates Super Tuesday by Screwing Constituency

February 12, 2008 - Hillary Clinton celebrated her assured primary win by doing what all good politicians do after a victory: completely ignore the voting constituency while skinny dipping with Mark Penn (Nixon is said to have done this also, again with Mark Penn). The inaction in question is the...

From The Room: Microtrends: Who to Watch in the Days Ahead?

February 6, 2008 - As the Super Tuesday data pours in, Hillary and her chief strategist, Microtrends author Mark Penn, are evaluating the success of their courting of Lefthanders, Office Park Dads, the Working Retired, Do-It-Yourself Doctors and Protestant Hispanics. At the same time, they continue to gauge...