Chuck Norris

From The Feed: Walker Texas Ranger and the Huff in the Ultimate Conservative v. Liberal Showdown

September 11, 2008 - Watch two politically opinionated powerhouses in a war of words traversing the political landscape from Iraq to sexism. Spoiler alert! Chuck Norris isn't a sexist, Chuck Norris eats sexists for breakfast...

From The Feed: Fox and Friends remains the most poorly run operation in TV news (video)

June 11, 2008 - "Fox and Friends" unveiled a "statue" (AKA: a paper-thin cardboard cutout) of Chuck Norris to honor something or other about Chuck Norris. The unveiling goes about as well as everything else on this show...

From The Room: 11 Simple Things Mike Huckabee Could Do to Save His Presidential Bid

February 14, 2008 - Persuade Lord Jesus Christ to swoop down from the heavens on his chariot and shower free Milk Duds and iPods on the people of Ohio, Texas, Pennsylvania, and Guam. Appear in three-episode arc of Lost as Sawyer's long-lost bounty-hunter half-brother, Wayne. Show up...

From The Room: The Dreaded "Smoke-Filled Room"

February 13, 2008 - So they're saying Hillary's best shot at the nomination now is for the super delegates to select her in the dreaded "smoke-filled room" at the convention. Can we please modernize this "smoke-filled room" metaphor? When it was first used, smoking inside was still legal, black men...

Coming soon: Mitt Romney is...Unendorsable

February 1, 2008 - Chuck Norris is stumping for Mike Huckabee. Arnold Schwartznegger has come out for John McCain. And Hulk Hogan has thrown his 24-inch pyt...

From The Room: Campaigning with the Stars: Future Celebrity Endorsements

January 31, 2008 - Not too long ago, I said that Mike Huckabee could potentially have the coolest cabinet of all time with both Chuck Norris and Stephen Colbert onboard, well if this election is about anything, it's about Change and that's what's happening now. Congratulations to Senator John McCain for...

From The Room: Chuck Norris Thinks McCain May Be too Old for the White House

January 21, 2008 - Ten things that are wrong with that statement: 1) "CHUCK NORRIS..." This is a national election. The fate of the nation and the world hang on the outcome. Chuck Norris is, only in the loosest possible sense of the word, an "actor," and now appears in infomercials wearing some fruit...

From The Room: Sidekicks: Chuck Norris, Mike Huckabee and a Nation in Crisis

January 15, 2008 - How's this for negative campaigning: Mike Huckabee is a crazy turd. Mike Huckabee often appears playing the bass guitar while standing next to Chuck Norris. This would be okay if he was running for the head of a fraternity, but he is running for president. The key to understanding...

From The Room: He's No Chuck Norris

January 10, 2008 - This morning, John Kerry's endorsement of Barack Obama may have sent a ripple or two through the political establishment. While Kerry always makes me think of windsurfing, and how different his skull would look from that of a normal skull, here is what the three remaining Democratic candidates for...

From The Room: My Afternoon with Governor Mike Huckabee

January 10, 2008 - After the startling results of last week's Iowa Caucus, coupled with the banal and predictable results of the New Hampshire primary, there was one man everyone wanted to speak to. Unfortunately, he was busy helping a...

News Odds for Monday, January 7, 2008

January 7, 2008 - Odds that... When he finds out that Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama is surging ahead in New Hampshire, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. does a little end-zone dance in heaven: 5-2 Th...

From The Room: Notes on the Iowa Caucuses

January 4, 2008 - Does anything say "joke presidential candidacy" like Chuck Norris's unnaturally-white toothy grin behind you in your "victory" speech? Listen, when your only big-name supporter is a late-night Bowflex salesman, you're still a loser even when giving a victory speech. The biggest loser last night w...

From The Room: The Iowa Caucus and Premature Election

January 3, 2008 - Fuck you Iowa! I'm sick and tired of all this election attention you keep getting. What makes you so special? Your caucus comes first? Premature election is not something to be proud of, and I'm pretty sure they have a pill for it. Every election year, millions of...

From The Feed: Chuck Norris Kicks Mike Huckabee in The Head

January 2, 2008 - Or so the new Romney campaign ad would have you believe...

From The Room: What I'm Thankful For

November 22, 2007 - I'm thankful that Mike Huckabee isn't our president yet, even though "reminding me of a kindly uncle" has become more important to voters than "believes in evolution." I'm thankful that Fred Thompson hasn't gotten higher in the polls, not only because he'd be a terrible...