Barack Obama's most recent rally in the famously liberal city of Portland, Oregon, drew 75,000 attendees, answering the question, "What if you crammed everyone who donated to the last NPR pledge drive into one city park?"

60,000 people filled the park along the banks of Willamette River, with 15,000 more gathering outside the park gates and hundreds of others listening from the river in canoes and kayaks.

This was Obama's largest rally by far. Whether he becomes president or not, attendees at Sunday's rally in Portland will surely remember the day as if it were their own little Woodstock. Here's how the rally went down:

12:50 p.m. PDT - Obama supporters arrive via all modes of transportation, from the Toyota Prius to the Saturn Aura Hybrid, with a special lane created exclusively for Segway travelers. A minor moment of unrest occurs when the crowd swarms around an SUV and flips it onto its roof. The Secret Service agents inside escape unharmed.

12:55 p.m. - Firemen are called to the scene as an extra precaution in light of so many attendees dressed in highly flammable hemp footwear

1:00 p.m. - Barack and Michelle Obama and their children take the stage. Barack looks out at the crowd and decides to scratch his previously written greeting, "The last time I saw so many bi-curious vegans in one place I was crowd-surfing at Lilith Fair '99."

1:03 p.m. - Speech begins. Obama's voice is drowned out by the sound of several thousand Whole Foods biodegradable takeout containers being ripped open.

1:08 p.m. - The kayakers are thrown into disarray when one of the kayakers says she can't see and the other kayakers hasten to create a better sightline. Seven drown.

1:20 p.m. - It is announced that three babies were born within the park gates: a baby boy named "Change," a baby girl named "Chaynge," and a baby whose parents are choosing to raise it without gender pre-suppositions, named "Xheanje."

1:30 PM - Crowd warned not to drink the Cinnamon Spice Latte. "The espresso beans came from a bad roast." Hundreds refuse to heed the warning and are escorted to the chill-out tent to recover from over-caffeination.

1:35 PM - Portland Hell's Angels security detail start busting heads when kayakers start bumping into their paddle boats.

1:40 PM - An activist grabs Obama's mic and starts ranting at the audience about how "this is a pile of shit...while R. Kelly is on trial..." Michelle Obama whacks the activist off the stage with her handbag.

1:48 PM - Obama pauses when he is startled to see no fewer than 15,000 iPhones raised in the air to take his picture.

1:56 PM - The speech ends. 75,000 Oregonians disperse from the park feeling just a little but more inspired, and a little bit more satisfied with themselves. The Parks Department rushes in to gather up all the spilled bulgur from the field before it does damage to the grass.

Posted by: Bob Powers      I’m a fan of Bob Powers