Entertainment

As the 61st annual Cannes Film Festival barely breaks out of the starting gate, the ever-irascible Sean Penn—head of the jury—has already managed to grab headlines by thumbing his nose at France's new smoking restrictions and calling Barack Obama's congressional voting record "phenomenally inhuman and unconstitutional."

Clearly, for the other jury members—and the thousands of Festival attendees—it's going to be a long 12 days. So just what kind of speech will Sean Penn make when he's announcing the winners? Why wait to find out when you can create your own Penn outburst with the 23/6 Sean Penn Cannes jury president award Speech-o-Tron.

Hello Bonjour I'll say whatever the hell I want to.

Let me begin by declaring that
this whole damn festival is miserable and inhumane
if you think this festival's carbon footprint is big, wait until you see the foot I'm going to put in your face
America's reputation is shot to hell, and I'm glad it is. The French are so
hospitable, if by "hospitable" you mean supporting the Bush junta
stupid for electing that war criminal Sarkozy
...aww who cares. Gimme a cigarette.

This week we honor films that
are a tiny break from the usual Hollywood sludge factory crapfest
most Americans will never see, because they are blind sheep led to the slaughter by a incompetent president
don't hold a candle to my 2001 film, "The Pledge" as they compete for the
coveted
conservative
...cigarette please... Palme d'Or.

So before we hand out the award, I'm sure some of you
war criminals
sycophants
selfish a-holes who would rather be watching drivel in the south of France than volunteering in New Orleans want to know where I stand on the U.S. presidential election.
What the hell do you think?
Well, I'll tell you, and as a result, the awards ceremony will start 10 hours late.
Then I realized only "Access Hollywood" is here, so screw it.

And now, the moment
you've all be waiting for
I've been waiting for, so I can get the hell out of here
for another cigarette. This year's Palme d'Or goes to
a film that really sheds light on American terrorism
a foreign film, since American films are all whores to the capitalist system
"Kung Fu Panda," so suck it.

Posted by: David Bourgeois      I’m a fan of David Bourgeois