If they IM'd: Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain

McCain and Obama may keep trading places in the various polls, but regarding their wives, America seems to have made up its mind: Cindy McCain isn't so popular. According to a Washington Times poll that asked which mother has "had the most positive influence on America," Cindy McCain came in last, at 4 percent—five points below the fictional Marge Simpson. Which is strange, because freaky-looking beer heiresses usually occupy such a warm spot in the American heart.

So what can Cindy do to win the hearts and minds of at least 270 electoral votes worth of the American public? She should start by asking the advice of someone more popular, like Michelle Obama...