This week's Star magazine reports on rumors that despite their well-documented custody battles, Britney Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline are reportedly having "weekly steamy phone sex" sessions. "Star" wondered, "will they take it to the next level? Should they?"

The more relevant question would probably be, "Could they?" What would it take for these two kids to get back together again? We kicked the idea around and came up with three possible situations where the circumstances would be just right for these two train-wrecks to get back on the same track:

Seems Like Old Times

Britney bumps into K-fed in a back alley, where he is on all fours huffing a pickle jar full of Jenkem. Brit tells Kevin that Jenkem is an urban legend and "shit don't get you high, dummy!" K-Fed tells Britney she don't know nothing because "I'm high as balls right now." Britney grabs at the jar to give it a try. They fight over the jar until the Jenkem spills all over both of them. They look at each other, their clothes covered in wet feces, and they burst out laughing. It feels just like old times. They both realize that neither of them has laughed like that since they split up.

The Old "Mistaken Corpse" Gag

After accidentally driving her car through a day-care center and killing six toddlers, Britney is taken to the hospital for a sprained wrist. Kevin sees the crash on TV and rushes to the hospital, not knowing what her condition is. He mistakes a dead body under a sheet for Britney. Kevin starts crying and telling the dead body that he never loved anyone like her, and if he could just have one more chance to love her again, he'd make sure to never let her go. Britney is in a gurney on the other side of a curtain, listening. She pulls the curtain back and Kevin sees her. "Damn girl," Kevin tells Britney. "I wish I didn't have no eyelids, 'cause then I'd never have to blink 'em and I could just keep on lookin' at your fly-ass face, Brit-brit."

The Unfit Parent Trap

After Jayden James gets set on fire for the third time in a week, big brother Sean Preston realizes that they are in far too much danger being raised by K-Fed alone. Sean Preston knows Britney is unfit, but K-Fed having sole custody is about as good as being raised in an abandoned tire factory by a pack of raccoons. So Sean Preston sets up a trap to get his parents to fall in love again. He sends each of them a coupon for one free Big Gulp of Mountain Dew at a Santa Monica 7-11 within driving distance of both parents.

On the morning the coupons arrive in the mail, Britney and K-Fed both race to the 7-11, arriving at the same time. They're startled to see each other, but they're too focused on the free Big Gulp to question it. They don't speak to each other as they fill their Big Gulps, not until they try to redeem their coupons and are refused. That's when Britney and K-Fed join forces to beat down the store clerk. All that kicking and punching and spitting loogeys turns both of them on and they start to make love, right there on the 7-11 floor next to the concussed cashier, going at it with a passion they haven't felt since those first wondrous weeks together. They don't get to finish before the police arrive and they are pulled apart and arrested for assault and indecency.

While in jail, they each get their cell-mates to help them write letters to the other. Through those letters, they fall in love all over again. Unfortunately, the children will have already been remanded to foster care.

"Britney and K-Fed's secret meetings" - New Zealand Herald
"K-Fed's Lawyer: Britney's Not Cured" - iVillage Daily Blabber Posted by: Bob Powers