Politics

Saturday is the big day—Jenna Bush is getting married. The wedding will take place in Crawford, since even Jenna doesn't want to be associated with the current White House. The lucky man is Henry Hager, a stand-up guy who, in honor of his country and his new father-in-law's top priority, will go to fight in Iraq immediately after the wedding.

Just kidding. He's finishing his MBA. But, no doubt, he'll be supporting the troops in his own way, perhaps on the crucial investment banking front.

The final question: What will Daddy Bush's toast be like? The wedding is top secret, but you can make your own version of his remarks with our George Bush Wedding Toast-O-Tron.

Greetings,
everyone
our remaining friends
our remaining employees
Christian soldiers.

As the bride's
father
president
banker
bartender, I would like thank you all for coming.

To
Henry
Hank
that guy in the suit
my daughter's drinking buddy, I just wanna say,
congratulations
good luck
she's your problem now
got any ideas about Iraq?.

I have
looked
wiretapped
audited
napped into his

soul
finances
politics
medical records and I can say that Henry is a

strong
good
strong
good man.

To Henry and my daughter,
Jenna
number two
not the Yale one
the drunk one, I want to say that the path a successful marriage is to

love each other
start drinking at noon
have an iron-clad pre-nup
stay the course
have a clear exit strategy.

And so, in honor of the
happy
set-for-life
oddly similar-looking couple, let us all

raise our glasses
raise our guns
enlist in the army
make the tax cuts permanent
do that thing...uh, whatever it was I was talking about.

Posted by: Stephen Sherrill      I’m a fan of Stephen Sherrill