Poll: Hillary owes herself a whole lot of money

She should shatter both of her own kneecaps with a ball-peen hammer and this should be televised.

She should cut off her own pinky and mail it to herself. Again, televised.

She should kidnap her husband Bill Clinton and then call herself and tell herself that unless she pays up in 24 hours, she can say goodbye to the former President. She should then arrange a meeting with herself in a neutral location (her own living room) where she demands that she prove to herself that Bill hasn’t been harmed. She would then point to Bill, who has been sitting on the couch shouting obscenities at Glenn Beck reruns the entire time, unaware that he had been abducted by his wife. Satisfied, she would hand herself a briefcase full of money, then run and hug Bill now that he’s safe. Bill would push her away, skeeved.

She should announce that if anyone wants her to quit the race, it’s gonna cost them another 5 bucks.

Why doesn’t she just loan herself another $11.4 million so she can pay herself the first $11.4 million back...oh wait…wow that’s trippy.

She should have known not to lend herself any more money after she bet all that dough on Eight Belles. That degenerate gambler deserves whatever she gets.