The executive producer of American Idol ended any speculation that Paula Abdul would be fired after this season, asking, "Why would we get rid of Paula?" Earlier this week, Abdul judged a performance that hadn't occurred yet, giving rise to the theory that Idol is scripted and giving even more confirmation that Abdul is somehow chemically altered.

We can't all appear on American Idol, but that doesn't mean you can't be judged by Paula Abdul. Sing a song to your monitor and then take your licks with our Paula Abdul Performance Evaluator-o-Tron.

Well...
sweetie.
are we rolling?
I can't find my pills. First of all, you look
great
like me 20 years ago
lonely, let's talk after the show tonight.
And I have always been
a huge fan
in love with Emilio
discouraged from self-medicating during commercials.

But I think that tonight, your vocals were
missing something
unable to shake me from my stupor
telling me I'm pretty. Thank you. For your next song, I hope
you give 100%
the camera stays off me
...hope, hope... you ever just say a word until it loses all meaning? Hope, hop, help. Please help me.

So anyway, you are very
tal...ted
talteded. Taddletent
uh, lantelted
wait, hold on. Talented! You are talented and I hope we
see you back next week
go to commercial
are cancelled immediately.

Posted by: Laurie Kilmartin      I’m a fan of Laurie Kilmartin