Inappropriate Hottie Rundown: Old, Black Leaders That Are Not Helping Obama

Outdone by their baby brother.

Jeremiah Wright isn't the only old black man to stick a knife in Barack Obama's back, he's just the most recent. Whether it's former UN Ambassador (and Clinton supporter) Andrew Young saying that he'd like to see Obama become president in 2016, or BET founder Robert Johnson calling the Senator a drug dealer, it's clear that black men of a certain age are albatrosses around Obama's neck. Even his supporters do more harm than good. Al Sharpton accused him of grandstanding in front of white people. And Louis Farrakhan and Jesse Jackson did their damage the old fashioned way, via endorsement. Louis should know better, but Jesse?

What's with these guys? Newt Gingrich thinks they're jealous. Fellas, what you need to do is shut up and smile. You may be too old and civil rightsy for the Oval Office, but we'd do ya. In fact, we've evaluated your potential:

Inappropriate Hottie Rundown:
Old, black leaders that are not helping Obama

	Robert Johnson If you need a place to store your condoms during a night on the town, look no further than the bags underneath Robert Johnson's eyes. The right eye alone will hold a week's worth of protection. But don't bother dialing this divorcee's digits unless you are a commoner, because man who brought you the tv version of Hot Ghetto Mess is big on issues that affect the average person, like the abolition of estate taxes. 2 out of 4 tubes of Jeri Curl
	Andrew Young Andrew Young, who here looks like a fed-up cobra, is technically married. But something about the bored, horny look in his eyes gives us the feeling he's an old school pol who uses his power to get laid. A lot. Which is probably why he likes the Clintons so much. If we were president, our first order of business would be to ask Congress to approve Andrew Young's Ambassadorship to our vagina. 4 out of 4 tubes of Jeri Curl
	Jesse Jackson If you crave independence, this married father of six (that we know of, wink wink) is your man. After you have his love child, he will leave the two of you completely alone. But not bereft! Child support (and a house) will come in the form of checks from the Bank of the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition. Thanks, donors! 1 out of 4 tubes of Jeri Curl
	Al Sharpton The ultimate boyfriend. Imagine how outraged he would be if anyone harmed you. With the little grey tendrils on the back of his neck styled into a perfect letter "c," he would summon the oratory skills he shares with his dead cousin Strom Thurmond, and demand a task force calling for an end to racism. And then... he'd remember we were white. Al? Hello? Al, are you there? Will you at least take us to dinner at Sylvia's 3 out of 4 tubes of Jeri Curl
	Louis Farrahkhan Lou is a toughie, even if you have a thing for bowties. Yes, he once called Hitler a "great man," but if you have the guts to put that clause in context, (he didn't mean the Holocaust!), then maybe you too can have sex under the watchful eyes of Nation of Islam bodyguards. Hopefully he'll leave the sunglasses on at night, so he won't be distracted by our devilish blue eyes. 2.5 out of 4 tubes of Jeri Curl
	Rev. Jeremiah Wright Imagine the sweet nothings this guy will whisper in your ear. "God DAMN this pussy!" and, "Can America's chickens come home to roost, or should they pull out?" This former Marine is also trained as a cardiopulmonary tech, which means he can bring Grandma back to life after he announces at Thanksgiving that 9/11 was an inside job. 3 out of 4 tubes of Jeri Curl