FAQ: rice shortages

Work a little faster ladies, we'd like to order another Nobu special.

With news this week that Sam's Club is rationing their supplies of rice—four 20-pound bags per person for jasmine, basmati, and other long-grain white rice—many Americans are wondering if this is just the beginning of a return to the bread lines of the 1930s. Except, you know, rice lines. We here at 23/6 can say definitively: we have no idea.

But we're certainly curious, which is why we've got an FAQ: rice shortages. Check it out, and you'll ~~never look at rice the same again~~ probably enjoy it.

I'm so stressed out.

As usual. What now?

RICE. Haven't you heard? There's a Rice SHORTAGE!

You capped the "R" in rice. You mean a shortage in Condoleezza Rice?

Is she involved in all this?

Involved in what?

RICE SHORTAGE!

Calm yourself. No, Condoleezza Rice has nothing to do with the rice shortage.

Thanks. I was having a crash.

Crash? What do you mean, a crash?

Market crash, carbohydrate crash, you name it: I'm crashing.

Have you eaten anything today?

Well, I tried to eat but there was no rice to be had. I was just in Sam's Club, where I noticed they were rationing rice. I could only buy 80 pounds of it.

You bought 80 pounds of rice?

I know! So I immediately logged on to Craigslist and bought some on the black market.

Rice?

Hell yes, rice! I mean...it looked like rice. Listen, point is: we're all doomed. What are we going to do now, smart guy? I went online and saw this graph showing how drastically the price of rice has risen. Devastating.

Do you even eat rice?

What does that have to do with anything? Just look at that graph...UP, UP, UP!

You're stockpiling rice, and you don't even eat it?

Excuse me, who's supposed to asking the questions in this FAQ? I'm lightheaded. Can you please just explain what the hell is going on with price of rice?

Well, it's going up—big time. It all has to do with India, the second-largest rice producer. In early April, the Indian government announced a ban on exports of non-basmati rice. That triggered a wave of concern over rice supplies.

So what now? Will there be other things that might be rationed? Like Peeps or doughnuts?

Calm down, Uncle Ben. I wouldn't worry. The U.S. supply of rice is actually increasing. This current rice shortage isn't really a shortage. It's more of a response to worldwide demand of food in general coupled with U.S. inflation on the rise.

Sweet. So I can have everyone at my wedding throw rice at me and my bride?

Wedding? You've never even had a girlfriend. In fact, I've found a graph you might enjoy. It shows the number of dates you've had throughout your life.