FAQ: Jimmy Carter and Hamas

Former President Jimmy Carter demonstrates what all Israelis should do if approached by a militant member of Hamas.

Although current news is that former President Jimmy Carter's meet-up with Hamas officials in Syria has produced some positive results, that hasn't stopped the right-wing cabal from demanding such things as revoking the former president's passport.

Hamas? A passport-free Jimmy Carter? The Bush administration pissed off? Just what's going on with the former president and why is he talking with the leaders of Hamas, a terrorist organization?

Look no further than FAQ: Jimmy Carter and Hamas.

What's this about revoking President Carter's passport? What has he been convicted of?

Nothing.

Surely a person's passport can't be revoked if he or she hasn't done something illegal?

President Carter has done something terrible though, in the eyes of conservatives. He met with leaders of the group Hamas.

Hold it, before we get into that...so if I, like, get an abortion, will I lose my passport?

You don't have a passport.

Passports are gay.

Right, are we done here?

No. What is Hamas? I looked in Wikipedia and saw this, حركة المقاومة الاسلامية, and got totally scared that I was going to get blown up. I shut down my computer and ran to the basement.

Had you had the balls to read on you'd have learned that Hamas is a Palestinian Sunni Islamist militant terrorist organization and political party that holds a majority of seats in the legislative council of the Palestinian Authority.

Hold it. Are you saying that you get all your answers from these FAQs from Wikipedia?

Who said that? You just said that, not me.

Dude, that's cheating.

You can barely read as it is. I'm doing you a huge favor.

Fair enough. Continue on.

Hamas has organized suicide bombings, and its charter calls for the destruction of Israel.

And Jimmy Carter met with these people?

Yes.

To build homes for them, right?

No. He wanted to broker a peace deal between Israel and Palestine.

Isn't that up to the Palestinian Liberation Organization or something?

Wow, nice work. You almost said something accurate. The prime minister of Palestine is Mahmoud Abbas, and the PLO still rules the region but Hamas is a player, a violent one, and is crucial to securing peace in the region.

Peace in the region? Are you joking? When will that ever happen?

Who am I, the Amazing Kreskin?

That actress from "Little Miss Sunshine"?

You were so close to earning an ounce of my respect. Look, peace in the region is likely never going to happen. Jimmy Carter got Hamas to promise to respect the creation of a Palestinian state in the West Bank and Gaza Strip if it were ratified by a referendum of the Palestinian people.

So what did the Bush Administration say about Carter meeting with Hamas? They must have respected the former president's decision, right?

No, they didn't. They were actively hoping he wouldn't meet Hamas. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was particularly unhappy with the former president.

Did Carter achieve anything?

Well, Carter said on Monday that Hamas is prepared to accept the right of the Jewish state to "live as a neighbor next door in peace."

If I can live in peace with my next door neighbor, who by the way is a total douchebag, I think anyone can.

Maybe you should meet with Hamas.

Right. And have to deal with المقاومة الاسلامية?

Best way to free yourself of your fear is to meet it head on.

Thanks, Tony Robbins. So if what you say is true, it's "happy days are here again," right?

Not so fast. Carter warned that there wouldn't be peace if Israel and the U.S. continue to ignore Hamas and Syria.

Syria?

Yeah, they're involved too. They support Hamas.

Ugh, this is getting boring. Why didn't Carter assassinate the leaders of Hamas? Bush would have loved him for that, am I right?

Yeah, good idea. I'm sure that would have resulted in instant peace in the region.

Thank you. Finally you realize I'm not some unemployed, stoner simpleton who lives in his parents' house because he's too afraid to move away and live on his own.

You could probably say the same about حركة المقاومة الاسلامية.