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April 21, 2008
Quick Quiz: Angry Old Man
With John McCain's hair-trigger temper finally on the media's radar screen, Paul Slansky needs you to know just how bad it is. Hey, his nickname in high school was "McNasty."
1) Two of these statements refer to the aged John McCain. Which one refers to the abominable George W. Bush?
As a youth, he twice let friends take the rap and the punishment for offenses he'd committed.
When asked to name his favorite book as a child, he said, "I can't remember any specific books."
A high school classmate recalled, "He prided himself on being a tough guy, seemingly ready to fight at the drop of a hat. He was easily provoked, ready to be provoked."
2) Complete the ancient John McCain's straight talk regarding a suggested solution to the illegal immigration problem: "I think the fence is least effective. __________"
A fence can be climbed. What are we going to do, station guards every couple of hundred yards?
And if I'm president there's not going to be any fence. That's the beauty of being president, you can finally act on your own principles.
But I'll build the goddamned fence if they want it.
3) Who is Bob Smith?
The Arizona governor who, when asked to describe the short-fused John McCain's temper, held a telephone receiver several inches from her ear.
The young volunteer screamed at by a beet-red John McCain more than twenty years ago for setting up a lectern too tall for the then-shorter-in-the-tooth senator to speak from.
The recipient of the volatile John McCain's wrath who said, "If he disagrees with you, he does it in a way that is disagreeable."
The former senator who said of the volcanic John McCain, "I have witnessed incidents where he has used profanity at colleagues and exploded at colleagues . . . He would disagree about something and then explode. It was incidents of irrational behavior. We've all had incidents where we have gotten angry, but I've never seen anyone act like that."
The writer who wants everyone to start referring to the over-ripe candidate as "Old Man McCain," or, even better, "Angry Old Man McCain."
4) Which question would reporters be raising if they weren't such a bunch of suck-up wimps so easily taken in by the edging-toward decrepitude John McCain's camaraderie?
Just how non-cancerous is that thing on the left side of his face?
Why does he not know so much about so many things?
Does the country need - no, can the country survive - the "leadership" of another wise-ass fuck-up son of a successful military man?
All of the above. Oh, and also, how good an idea is it to turn over the country to a guy whose psyche was deformed by torture, and who was already a nasty prick in the George W. Bush mold even before that?
5) Who is Pete Domenici?
The senator the extremely pissed-off John McCain told to "shut up."
The senator to whom the enraged John McCain said, "Fuck you!"
The senator to whom the maddened John McCain said, "Only an asshole would put together a budget like this."
The senator with whom the boiling-blooded John McCain got into a shoving match, and whom he later called "a fucking jerk."
6) Two of these statements refer to the White House squatter George W. Bush. Which one refers to the decaying John McCain?
As a college student, he defended his frat's practice of branding pledges with red-hot wire hangers, thus foreshadowing an unfortunate tolerance for, if not delight in, torture.
A high school friend recalled, "If they'd have rated everybody in the class for likely to succeed, I guarantee you he'd have been in the bottom ten, without any question."
He passed his extended wastrel youth blissfully unaware that he would grow into a man abhorred by a majority of his fellow citizens, many of whom won't rest until they see him tried for war crimes.
Related: Quick Quiz: Boozin' Bush
