Election 2008

A nationally televised debate in Philadelphia just days before a major primary can mean only thing for Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton: one last chance to pander shamefully to voters. Did you spot the catchphrases and buzzwords that were specifically targeted at various voting groups? We did.

Obama: "I've been struck by the core decency and generosity of the people in Pennsylvania. But what I've also been struck by is the frustration."
To whom it panders: "frustrated" Amish
How could it have been subtler: "I pledge to promote orgies in Pennsylvania Dutch country."

Obama [on Jeremiah Wright]: "There is anger in the African-American community... But what we have the opportunity to do is to move beyond it...Absolutely many of these remarks were objectionable."
To whom it panders: white people
How could it have been subtler: "Dude, have you read this really funny blog, Stuff White People Like? So true!"

Clinton: "I am the granddaughter of a factory worker from Scranton."
To whom it panders: factory workers; fans of NBC's "The Office"
How could it have been subtler: an added bit about her grandfather being under sniper fire in Scranton; brought on that adorable scamp John Krasinski

Obama: pronounces Pakistan "Pock-i-stahn"
To whom it panders: Pockistahni-Americahns
How could it have been subtler: "The other day I was cooking up some green moong dal chaat..."

Clinton: "This president...has continued to change the rationale and move the goalposts when it comes to Iraq."
To whom it panders: Pittsburgh Steelers practice squad placekicker Will Parkum
How could it have been subtler: "[Steelers starting placekicker] Jeff Reed should be placed on waivers immediately."

Posted by: Teddy Wayne      I’m a fan of Teddy Wayne