Maureen Dowd: Distilled (and beloved by the teen stars of MTV's "The Paper")

My velvet pajamas? Juicy Couture, of course

James "Scotty" Reston once remarked that "columnists, like water, seek their own level."

Actually, he didn't. But when writing about journalism, you're supposed to reference him. Plus, that doesn't mean it's not true.

Confirmation came Wednesday in the New York Observer, where we learned that the teen journalists who star in the forthcoming MTV reality show "The Paper" are huge fans of Maureen Dowd. According to 17-year-old Amanda Lorber, "She rocks. She's so witty. She could be talking about something so serious but there's humor to it usually."

That's our MoDo. The pairing makes perfect sense—look at everything Maureen has in common with the teens: Pointless pop-culture references. Obsession with personality. Narcissism. The belief that the whole world exists only to entertain them. Lots and lots of make-up. An irrational fondness for Leon Wieseltier.

Okay, five out of six isn't bad. And for those that are too busy to fully experience the rock and wit of Wednesday's Dowd column, "Toil and Trouble," we present Maureen Dowd: Distilled.

MAUREEN DOWD: DISTILLED

I felt as though I were watching a production of "Macbeth"

"Fair is foul, and foul is fair"

"Hover through the fog and filthy air"

trapped in a labyrinth leading nowhere

The Surge Twins were back

Iran can have a dysfunctional little friend

Crocker's air of wry world-weariness

existential angst

the Dada nature of our plan in Iraq

chuckleheaded W. and Cheney

Sunni-Shiite civil war