Inappropriate Hottie Rundown: Pulitzer Prize Winners

Steve Fainaru
We have two words for this long-necked San Franciscan. Hel. Lo. He looks like Mr. Big's smarter brother, Mr. Brain. We formally request a face-to-face with this winner, if only so he can coach us on how to pronounce that funky last name of his. While Steve specializes in baseball and Latin America (same thing), his Pulitzer was awarded for his stories on private contractors in Iraq. Maybe he can curl up next to us and whisper Blackwater's dirty deeds in our ears.
4/4 stale cups of coffee

Walt Bogdanich
First off, we love the name "Walt" and we wish it would make the kind of Park Slope comeback that the god-awful "Max" currently enjoys. But we digress. This Walt won his prize for investigating the Chinese and the toxins they shove in our household products. Thank you, Walt! Now, would we love to take a razor to Walt's face, and a comb to his "over"? Yes, and hell yes, but that's the only flaw we can find in the dogged reporter who made bleach safe again.
3 stale cups of coffee

Michel du Cille
We have one question for 51 year old Michel: who does your Botox? And don't tell us that "black don't crack" because when we were kids, we saw The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman. Now, look out ladies...this Jamaican-born photographer will shy-smile you right out of your underpants and make you scream "cheese" while you do it. He can jerk our chicken any day of the week.
3.5 stale cups of coffee

Anne Hull
Anne seems like the kind of gal that does everything 100%, whether she's writing about wounded soldiers at Walter Reed, or cracking open the booze cabinet and tripling your sec. Her puffy portrait hair says, "I got my source drunk last night" while her easy smile says, "I learned that trick during my undergrad years at Florida State." She's like Mackenzie Phillips before Mackenzie Phillips found coke (but not before she found the margarita mix). Party's at Hull's house.
3.25 stale cups of coffee

Dana Priest
Sometimes you have to admire the paths people don't take. Dana, for example, is blonde enough to go the Greta Van Susteren route and make a couple mil hosting the Natalee Holloway Show on Fox. She could be tracking Britney's labial frolics on some pun-named blog like "Kneeling Before the Priest" or "Priestly Confessions." Instead, she investigates conditions at Walter Reed Hospital and uncovers the CIA's black sites. Dana's integrity is exciting yet terrifying. What if we cheat on her? She will turn us in to her editor, and win a prize for reporting on our orgasms.
3.5 stale cups of coffee

Barton Gellman
Barton is proof that just because you're a Rhodes scholar doesn't mean you know how to pick glasses. This Princeton grad won his Pulitzer for staring into the heart of Dick Cheney and reporting on the darkness. Barton, it's time to reward your seared retinas with frames that are large enough for your manly face. We don't want you squinting when you help us learn all the 613 mitzvahs.
2.75 stale cups of coffee