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April 08, 2008
Quick Quiz: David Vitter
When the car in which Louisiana senator David Vitter was trying to escape questions about his days as a client of the D.C. Madam comically backed into a No Parking sign on Monday, Paul Slansky was reminded that he had, to date, insufficiently mocked this rabid espouser of family values.
1) What was David Vitter talking about when he said, "I don't believe there's any issue that's more important than this one"?
Preventing global warming.
Fighting terrorism.
Providing universal health care.
Improving education.
Ending world hunger.
Banning same-sex marriage.
2) On August 30, 2005, in the immediate wake of Hurricane Katrina, David Vitter said of the flood levels, "In the huge majority of areas, it's not rising at all. It's the same or it may be lowering slightly. ... I don't want to alarm everybody that, you know, New Orleans is filling up like a bowl. That's just not happening." What was happening?
The Superdome was jammed with thousands of evacuees living in utter squalor.
The populace was dealing with infestations of rats, fleas and mosquitos.
People were being rescued from their rooftops by boats.
All of the above, because, you know, New Orleans was filling up like a bowl.
3) False or true? Discussing the Clinton / Lewinsky ruckus in 2000, David Vitter's wife Wendy said, "I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. If [my husband] does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing and it's not alimony, trust me."
False. She repeatedly refused to comment about Hillary and the sex scandal because she knew that there but for the grace of God went her.
True, thus becoming the only Senate wife in American history to publicly conjure up the image of cutting her husband's dick off, though sadly it turned out to be empty bluster and there she was seven years later, not just standing next to the unsliced slimeball but holding his hand as he delivered his obligatory public apology.
4) Which of the following statements about David Vitter is true?
He is a strong supporter of prayer at school board meetings.
He favors abstinence-only sex education.
He called marriage "the most important social institution in human history."
All of the above, plus of course, he's fond of diapering up when he's with whores.
Related: New Vitter scandal revelation: We see London, we see France...
Previously: Quick Quiz: Naomi Campbell
