Hillary Clinton to come up with new way to terrify voters

Hillary works on her new story.

Hillary Clinton will stop telling a story on the campaign trail because it is apparently untrue. In recent speeches, the senator has told the tale of an uninsured pregnant woman who was denied hospital care. Both mom and baby died. A spokesman for hospital in question, O'Bleness Memorial Hospital, denies the woman was turned away, "There is no indication that she was ever denied medical care at any time, for any reason. We clearly reject any perception that we ever denied any care to this woman."

Clinton heard the story while campaigning in Ohio, and had been sharing it on the campaign trail ever since.

What health insurance nightmare story should Hillary Clinton tell next?

The story of an ex-president who is unable to control his legacy. This disorder causes the man to hemorrhage unhelpful racial comments all over his wife's presidential campaign. He and his wife had assumed her policy would cover his legacy, but so far they have been denied access to the White House doctor. His condition is worsening, and at this rate, his legacy could be irrevocably damaged by November.

The tale of a schizophrenic who fears being killed by phantom sniper fire. The patient's mental illness (called "mis-speaking") causes her to think she is being shot at, when in fact she is not. Currently, the only treatment for mis-speaking is to joke about it on the Tonight Show.

The story of the country's first African-American president. A male in his 40s, he dropped dead after a series of 3 a.m. crank phone calls. He was denied admittance to the hospital because his solution to the health care crisis did not cover everyone, including himself.

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