February 29, 2008
Election 2008

GOP struggling for ways to subtly call Barack Obama a liberal, terrorist n-word


According to GOP strategists, moments after this photo was taken, Barack Obama ate this baby.

With Barack Obama emerging as a frontrunner, the Republican party is trying to readjust its playbook. This week, Karl Rove advised against using the Senator's middle name, Hussein, because it would make the party look bigoted. Obama's senior advisor, David Axelrod elaborated on the GOP's dilemma, noting, "They will try to rerun old races and battles and divide along traditional lines... the country is not going to be so easily distracted. We are prepared to deal with whatever they offer."

How can the GOP plant the seeds of doubt about an Obama presidency?

Ask if America is ready for a sarcastic first lady.

Remind Americans that BET will probably create a show called "The Black House."

Tell Americans that Obama has a confirmation name and it's Jeffrey Dahmer.

That's right. President Barack Hussein Jeffrey Dahmer Obama.

One word: Hope. What, that's not enough for you? Three more words: Rhymes with dope. Which he smoked in high school. Hello? America?

Are you there?

Godammit.

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