Election 2008

We learned last week that Hillary Clinton made a loan to the Hillary Clinton for President campaign. Hillary Clinton sent along a massive cash infusion at a time when Hillary Clinton for President was trailing Barack Obama in fundraising in the run-up to Super Tuesday. Needless to say, Hillary Clinton for President is now in the pocket of Hillary Clinton. If, as her critics contend, Senator Hillary Clinton's voting history shows her in thrall to special interests, just wait until Hillary Clinton for President has to contend with the agenda of her VIP donor, Hillary Clinton.

ISSUE: Women's Concerns
CLINTON PLATFORM: Hillary's historic statement in 1995 that "women's rights are human rights" still echoes worldwide. For years, Hillary has
fought for issues important to women around the world for decades.
SPECIAL INTEREST INFLUENCE: As a donor, Hillary Clinton is also in favor of women's
concerns—or at least the concern of one of them. She wants to see a woman in the White House so badly, she is willing to put pay to see it happen. Also, she's willing to be that woman.

ISSUE: Rural America
CLINTON PLATFORM: Hillary has a vision for rebuilding rural communities
to ensure that opportunities are available and people can still achieve the American dream.
SPECIAL INTEREST INFLUENCE: Hillary Clinton's favorite TV show is "American Idol." Everyone should have the chance to experience the success of Fantasia, even if it takes
allocating Department of Interior funding to nation-wide talent searches. Call Oprah about bringing "The Color Purple" back to Broadway. (No, don't call Oprah...we're still mad about the whole Obama thing.) Hillary Clinton the donor would like to see all state dinners and other conflicts canceled on Tuesday and Wednesday nights until "Idol" goes into reruns.

ISSUE: Affordable and Accessible Health Care
CLINTON PLATFORM: Nearly 47 million Americans don't have health insurance. America is ready for universal health care. This is a battle Hillary has fought before and she has the scars to prove it.
SPECIAL INTEREST INFLUENCE: Hillary Clinton the donor would rather not go through that whole nasty universal health care business again, thankyouverymuch. Hillary Clinton recommends that President Hillary run a tub full of bubbles, fill the bathroom with candles, and take a long, hot Cleopatra bath until this damned country comes to its senses. We have a huge honking deficit, a potentially long-running war, and a recession coming on like a freight train. There is no way on God's green earth we can afford universal health care. Might as well bring a bottle of wine and the red phone and stay in until your fingers prune.