Why the candidates are all idiots: a Super Tuesday recap

You want change? Try changing your crappy campaign strategies.

Well before the polls opened on Super Tuesday, lots of news outlets confidently published their thoughts on what each candidate needed to do in order to win. 23/6 wasn't one of them. But now that the near-national primary is over and we know how it all went down, we're secure in offering our advice, criticism and second-guesses. Join us for some classic Wednesday afternoon quarterbacking as we tell the candidates what they should have done.

OBAMA SHOULD'VE HAD TWO HOME STATES
Hillary Clinton took Arkansas and her adopted home state of New York. Barack Obama only had one home state, Illinois, and paid the price. He should have adopted a second home state like Hillary, preferably one with as many delegates as New York. A state like, oh, say, California.

ROMNEY SHOULD'VE CHOSEN A DIFFERENT RELIGION
Mike Huckabee's evangelical Christian base won him several states—Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Tennessee and West Virginia. However, Mitt Romney's entire Mormon base is concentrated in one state, Utah. Next time, Mitt, choose a different, more spread-out religion.

MCCAIN SHOULD'VE ATTACKED THE "OLD RAZORBACK"
On Monday, John McCain campaigned in Romney's home state of Massachusetts. On Tuesday, he demanded that Romney apologize to Bob Dole. Big Mac was obviously going after who he saw as his biggest opponent, but he really should have spent his time attacking Huckabee instead. Huck got a free pass and went on to pick up five key Republican stronghold states. How hard would it have been to criticize a guy who doesn't believe in evolution or the IRS?

OBAMA SHOULD'VE GOT SUPPORT FROM JACKIE CHAN AND GEORGE LOPEZ
Sure Barack Obama was endorsed by Oprah, Ted Kennedy and George Clooney, but his biggest Super Tuesday weaknesses were the Asian and Latino voters who flocked to Hillary Clinton in California. Superstar supporters are nice, but Obama needed to secure token Asian and Latino backers like Jackie Chan and George Lopez. Chan, in particular, would've made sure his people understood the words coming out of Obama's mouth.

ROMNEY SHOULD'VE SAVED HIS MONEY
Mitt Romney has spent over $86 million on the primaries, yet Mike Huckabee only spent $7 million to win nearly the same amount of Super Tuesday delegates. Considering that $35 million of that campaign cash came from his own bank account, Romney really should've spent less. It didn't seem to help much and, honestly, we're concerned about Tagg's inheritance.

Filed under: Super Tuesday, candidates are idiots, we could have done better