What are the buzzards circling this week?

STARBUCKS:
Sales are down enough that they're trying out free refills on $1 cups of coffee. Maybe the beverage market is crumbling under one energy drink too many, or maybe people don't want to pay four bucks for a cup of coffee when they're spending more than that for a gallon of gas. Also, clinical trials show that guys who meet their match.com dates at a bar instead of at a Starbucks are way more likely to have sex later that day. In a time where you hear more people complaining about Restless Leg Syndrome than Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, it's just possible that America has drunk its fill of coffee.

INTEREST IN THE OSCARS:
With "Atonement," "There Will Be Blood," "No Country For Old Men," "Michael Clayton" and "Juno" receiving nods for best film, the Academy Awards have become a beauty pageant with four frigid grad students and a self-hating emo. Any year that a sleeper hit by a stripper about a pregnant teen with a hamburger phone is the most accessible movie is bad news for the Academy. The Oscars feed on hype like a leech feeds on blood, but thanks to the writers' strike, this years awards are unhypeable. One suspects that when Americans aren't blinded by hype, they may be realize it's not all that exciting to watch an industry auto-fellate itself.

BULLYING BRITNEY:
She made it so easy with her police stand-offs and head-shaving and vagina al fresco, but suddenly, like a squad of bullies who become remorseful when the nerd they've been tormenting ends up on life support, the media is starting to ease off. Longtime Britney-basher Jay Leno did that thing where he goes mushy-mouthed and wishes her well, and even paparazzi are admitting they went too far. What Britney really needs now is help from the Hollywood community; some real diversion like a Paris Hilton coma, a Schwarzenegger gay massage scandal, or a Will Smith necrophilia tape.

CELEBRITIES ENDORSING POLITICIANS:
Nielsen families decided long ago that Chuck Norris should only be seen after 2 a.m. on infomercials for exercise equipment, so why is he lurking behind Mike Huckabee on CNN Headline Prime? Seeing Diane Keaton at the Democratic debate was about as annoying as having a camera cut away from a Kobe Bryant slam dunk to show David Arquette's idiotic new hat. And what a woody-wilter it was to hear pro-Giuliani jingoism pouring from Bo Derek's perfect mouth. The only time people want to see celebs on news channels is when they do something embarrassing or go to rehab. Politicians don't go on E! and actors should stay off MSNBC.