Most Americans think they understand Florida. It's where our kids go to hang with Mickey, where our husbands go to play golf, and where our grandparents go to die. But there's more to Florida—and Floridians—than meets the eye. 23/6 reporter-at-large Kevin Bleyer down Florida way this week and learned firsthand just what you can believe about this important primary state.

With a solid 24 hours of investigation up and down the I-95 corridor, I can now debunk the myths, confirm the canards, and render judgment yea or nay on what is often said about the state of Florida.

"FLORIDA: THE SUNSHINE STATE"
Yup. Boots-on-the-ground recon bears this out. It is a state, and it is undeniably sunny. Plus, it's on every license plate, so it must be true.

"FLORIDA: THE PENIS OF AMERICA"
Okay, nobody actually says this. But every time they look at a map of the United States, they think it.

"FLORIDA: GOD'S ANTECHAMBER"
Old people, send your complaints to George Will on this one. Although he may not have invented the phrase, he definitely said it last, as recently as this weekend. And he's right. This place has the distinct aroma of demise. I swear I saw a condo advertise itself as "death-adjacent." And I can't help mull the irony that Ponce de Leon landed in Florida on his quest to find the fountain of youth, only to find a fountain of Ensure.

"FLORIDA: ELLIS ISLAND FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN TURN A BUICK INTO A RAFT"
Miami Beach is filled with spectacularly good-looking people who washed ashore on a jury-rigged '59 Cutlass earlier that morning, poured themselves a mojito in the afternoon, and by nightfall were "doing that conga" in the beach club. It's inspiring.

"FLORIDA: A MICROCOSM OF AMERICA"
I beg to differ. I keep hearing this adage during the election coverage, and sure, Americans of many stripes have moved here—Hispanics, Caucasians, African-Americans—but if Florida is a microcosm of America simply because it has a range of peculiar things living in it, so is my apartment.

"FLORIDA: THE SHTETL OF THE SOUTH"
One of Rudy Giuliani's campaign events was at a place called—no joke—"Lox Around the Clock." So yes, it would seem there are Jews here.

And speaking of Giuliani...

"FLORIDA: GIULIANI'S WATERLOO"
Absolutely.