Election 2008

Sen. John McCain defeated Mitt Romney, picking up 57 delegates in the vital Florida primary Tuesday night. McCain took 36 percent of the vote, followed by Mitt Romney at 31 percent, with 90 percent of precincts reporting by 4 p.m. as everyone went to get the Early Bird Special. Folks, they are old down there.

During his victory speech, the aged candidate seemed filled with the pep and enthusiasm of a man one-eighth his age. Noting that his campaign still has "a ways to go," the craggy, antideluvian McCain exhibited a sly confidence, rejuvenated at the prospect of receiving the nomination, and then, in November, facing off against either a totally cut, young black dude, or a well-maintained (if matronly) female opponent who was probably pretty hot to trot back in the day and who, admit it, you totally would have done back then when it meant something.

Meanwhile, the press's love affair with McCain continues, with Chris Matthews nearly putting the candidate's position on gay marriage to a very personal test following the State of the Union. As long as the news media keep handing out big wet kisses, it doesn't really matter what McCain's positions are. (IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING: wants to overturn Roe v. Wade despite supporting it in the past, would make Bush tax cuts permanent, still supports Iraq war, flip-flopped on gay marriage ban.)