January 25, 2008

Kids who want to get high tragically end up with minty fresh breath instead

"C'mon, man. Just one minty fresh fix. I'm dyin' here, man."

Hershey's Ice Breakers Pacs, powdered candy in pouches resembling the packets used by drug dealers, has been yanked from the shelves after only two months in
distribution. Law enforcement officials complained that children could confuse actual drugs with candy, and advocated that Ice Breakers Pacs be taken off the market.

However, if Ice Breakers Pacs (street value $1.79) are dangerous because they could be mistaken for drugs, how much more dangerous are other, more well-established candy brands? It's time law enforcement groups turned their attention to other over-the-candy-counter substances:

		Listerine mint films not only look an awful lot like an LSD microdot, they even make one variety called "Cool Mint," knowing that kids are impressionable and want, above all, to be cool
		Maple sugar candy. Bane of everyone with friends who vacation in Canada. Looks like raw opium. Or raw heroin. Or raw coca.
		What about Pop Rocks does NOT look like crystal meth?
		What kid won't be tempted by a life of pills and dependency when any caplet-shaped prescription drug can be extra fun if it comes out of the neck of a Pez dispenser?
		Gummi Fried Eggs. Maybe not illegal, but unsavory. Whether you don't like fried eggs or you don't like the gummy. Definitely something unsavory going on here.
		Pixie Stix. Ah, let's give them a break this time around.