As if high school weren't terrifying enough

Take that, madrassas.

Patriotic school administrators at Joppatowne High School in Joppatowne, Md. (winner: Funnest Town Name To Say, 1998-2004) have launched the first homeland security high school program, in the hopes of preparing their students for the hottest and fearmongeriest jobs in this ever-expanding field.

According to the program advisor, students "[learn] where terrorism comes from, the political motivations, even going back to the Crusades and talking about change over time." Eager young terror-haters will even be treated to lessons from the U.S. Coast Guard, the National Security Agency, and companies that sell protective masks and suits (complete with class discount, natch).

Think your kid's got what it takes? Take a look at a first-year class schedule, and make sure to sign them up early.