Last week saw the release of a controversial new biography of Tom Cruise and a bizarre video featuring Cruise talking at length about his religion, Scientology. Coupled with Katie Holmes' recent publicity blitz for her new movie, media outlets like Good Morning America and Gawker were given an unprecedented opportunity to investigate the mysterious Church of Scientology. How did they do?

23/6 salutes the testicles of those who risked years in court by hooking them up to our highly accurate Scientology Balls-E-Meter.

Good Morning America
Diane Sawyer had "Mad Money" star Katie Holmes in her crosshairs, and the most probing question she asked was, "What was Suri's first word?" (Answer: "Mama," not "help.") Even ABC was embarrassed, and they still air "Wife Swap."

Inside Edition
While "Inside Edition's" coverage of the "Mad Money" premiere did not include any tidbits that would make Tom Cruise uncomfortable, the celeb-friendly show did speculate online that Tom's dinner date with Jerry Seinfeld was an attempt at conversion.

Gawker
Despite cease-and-desist letters from Church lawyers, Gawker (and its sister site Defamer), managed to find a copy of the now-infamous Cruise video that Thetan hackers could not destroy.

Radar magazine
Back in 2005, Radar published Scarlett Johansen's brush with Tom Cruise and Scientology. Later that year, they went deep inside Cruise's relationship with high-ranking Scientology officials. Now they're translating Cruise's acronym-laden COS-speak and publishing the questions one is asked while hooked up to a real E-Meter. After Radar goes under (again), each one of us will be forced to ask ourselves, "Have I ever enslaved a population?"

Matt Stone and Trey Parker
"South Park" episode 912 is a vicious swipe at the COS and Tom Cruise called "Trapped in the Closet". The Emmy-nominated episode was so provocative that Comedy Central refused to re-air it. (They eventually caved, so hang in there Writer's Guild.) Moments that stand out in our minds two years later are Nicole Kidman screaming, "Come out of the closet, Tom," and the closing credits, which listed only "John Smith" and "Jane Smith."