RSS
January 17, 2008
Quick Quiz: Tom Cruise
With the publication of Andrew Morton's decidedly unauthorized Tom Cruise biography being accompanied by the Internet debut of a four-year-old video of a wild-eyed Cruise babbling the praises of Scientology, Paul Slansky looks at the life of the formerly-much-more-popular actor.
1) What did Tom Cruise say Scientology helped him to overcome?
His heroin addiction.
His dyslexia.
His homosexuality.
2) Who was publicly unhappy about the casting of Tom Cruise in the film version of his/her book?
Anne Rice, author of Interview With a Vampire.
Ron Kovic, author of Born On the Fourth of July.
Arthur Schnitzler, author of Eyes Wide Shut.
3) Who is generally credited with having introduced Tom Cruise to Scientology?
Mimi Rogers.
John Travolta.
A much thinner Kirstie Alley.
4) False or true? Tom Cruise endorsed Mitt Romney in the 2008 presidential race.
False. Cruise is notoriously apolitical.
True, and the fact that the already-burdened-with-a-weird-religion Romney claimed that Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard's unreadable Battlefield Earth was his favorite novel might well figure into the equation.
5) For which film was Tom Cruise not nominated for a Razzie Award?
War of the Worlds.
Cocktail.
Vanilla Sky.
6) How did Tom Cruise refer to psychiatry in an interview with Entertainment Weekly?
"The biggest load of hooey the world has ever known."
"A Nazi science."
"Brooke Shields's sad little crutch."
7) Who have rumormongers amusingly suggested to be the actual father of Suri Cruise?
Matt Lauer.
Keith Urban.
The late L. Ron Hubbard (via frozen sperm.).
8) Why did Tom Cruise jump on Oprah's couch?
To show that Scientologists are physically fit.
To show that his love for Katie Holmes was so real that it couldn't be contained.
To seem even gayer than the tabloids that he sued for saying it said he was.
9) According to Radar magazine, what happened during a period of tense negotiations between Tom Cruise and Paramount head Brad Grey about Mission: Impossible 3?
Grey threatened to replace Cruise with the hungry-enough-for-a-comeback-to-work-for-free Judd Nelson.
Cruise told Grey that "a man who'd dump his wife of ten years just before the pre-nup kicked in is a man you shouldn't fuck with."
Cruise ... well, who knows what Cruise did, maybe he didn't do anything, but somehow a dozen Scientologists surrounded Grey in the parking lot and tried to intimidate him into giving Tom whatever he wanted.
10) According to a 2006 poll measuring celebrity popularity, what title could Tom Cruise lay claim to?
Celebrity least desirable as a best friend.
Celebrity most likely to flip out on a talk show.
Celebrity most likely to turn up on YouTube rabidly gushing about Scientology.
