Attention Middle East: yes, it can get worse

How do you say "I'm gonna F-up your country" in Middle Eastern?

Now that Bush has worked his magic with Iraq, it's on to Israel and the Palestinians. Visiting the occupied territories for the first time, Bush said that he's confident about success. Of course he is.

"Look, the U.N. deal didn't work in the past," Bush said at a press conference. "And so now we're going to have an opportunity to redefine the future." The president has already redefined so much—Iraq, freedom, John Kerry, New Orleans—and with peace in the Middle East his last best chance at a legacy, it might be time to redefine success before Bush can truly claim "mission accomplished."

Success in the Middle East: George W. Bush Version

Complete fantasyland: Two states living in side by side in peace cooperate to achieve wider Middle East peace.

Maximum success: The situation as it is now, with no significant increase in violence.

Huge success: Israel moves into Gaza and the West Bank, huge casualties, but only in the territories.

Above average success: Israel invades Gaza, Egypt and Jordan declare war.

Success: Full scale war in the Middle East, no nuclear weapons launched.

Limited success: Nuclear war, contained in the Middle East.

Successful groundwork for later success: Global nuclear annihilation, though some celllular life is spared, so humans are able to regenerate after several hundred million years.