The candidates' new year's resolutions: more promises they won't keep

Everyone has the same new year's resolutions, those rote, banal goals that are forgotten by Feb. 1: stop smoking, watch less TV, join a gym, find new way to funnel PAC funds through offshore accounts. To ring in the new year, 23/6 asked the presidential candidates about their resolutions for 2008 (apart from approving an Iranian war resolution).

Fred Thompson: Win the only prize that matters (People's Choice Award for Favorite Jowly Supporting Actor in a Network Drama)

Christopher Dodd: Get own talk show on Telemundo

John McCain: Put name on waiting list for Flagstaff Home for the Elderly

Hillary Clinton: Lose ten pounds, gain actual experience

Rudy Giuliani: Devise another sentence structure to replace "noun + verb + 9/11"

Barack Obama: work on cross-over

Mitt Romney: Get surgery to remove pole from ass, CPU from heart, Kevlar from hair

Dennis Kucinich: Spice up sex life with role-play as distinguished, charismatic politician

Mike Huckabee: Hide son until November

Duncan Hunter: Gain enough recognition to warrant Secret Service protection

Joe Biden: After getting knocked out of race in Iowa, cross late-night writers' picket line.

Ron Paul: Win presidency, assassinate self to minimize role of federal government