Odds that...

Michael Vick, who'll be sentenced for dogfighting today, is already planning on building a slingshot to kill whatever he finds in the yard: 9-5

Russian President Vladimir Putin supports First Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev to succeed him because Medvedev's pecs are worthy of his legacy: 7-6

Tonight, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown rewards troops for retaking a Taliban stronghold by whorishly writhing around in a camo bikini: 8-3

Newly-married VH1 reality show star Scott Baio has invited his producers to join him on his honeymoon for a very naughty spinoff: 4-1

Amy Winehouse is trying to respond to her mom's open letter to her, but the phone keeps falling in the toilet: 1-1