Of the many important world issues John McCain and Barack Obama face this election season, none is as globally salient and ethically charged as the War on Aides. A recent strain appeared in Florida where Elian Gonzalez's uncle, with the help of a spokesperson representing Cubans in American...

In an act of spontaneous political combustion, Elian Gonzalez's uncle is back on the scene with a very important criticism of Obama: He has ties to Bill Clinton. Specifically, Obama is using aides that were connected to the legal defense of Elian Gonzalez's Cuban father. The tightly organized anger and...

Recently, John Bolton expressed concern that America was not doing its job in ushering in the apocalypse of 2012 predicted by the Mayan calendar. He warned that a military strike against the Mayans by Bush just isn't "in the cards" now. Those same cards have informed...

Some have accused the media of using biased coverage and misleading article titles as a means of spreading false rumors about the Obama campaign. This is, of course, exactly what Michelle Obama wants you to think. Volunteers within the Obama campaign are once again obstructing journalistic attempts at...

Pandemonium has dominated the army station where Laura Bush's photo-op was violently attacked by a wandering tribesman. Somehow, the feral Afghani slipped into the photo shoot of fully dressed and smiling marines. The tall man to Laura's right was unable to act; his was the only mustache capable...

Condoleeza pronounced herself "gratified" that the winner of the Democratic primaries was someone who has overcome the trend of being white and a man. She was so gratified that, in fact, the speech was written several weeks ago. The original was re-edited after Obama took the nomination. After...

Once again, Hillary and Rocky meet head on in a clash of the metaphors.

As most of the academic community knows, the best time to burst out in maniacal laughter is when putting on boxing gloves in front the American Federation of State, County and...

During Israel's 60th anniversary, President Bush identified one key similarity between Obama's "appeasement" towards Iran and Neville Chamberlain's ultimate mistake: talking to Hitler. As Joe Biden consequently remarked, "this is bulls**t" (Note: Biden talks with asterisks). While talking to the Israeli Knesset (like Congress, but spelled funny), Bush...

In an interview on ABC's This Week, Hillary Clinton told George Stephonopoulus that she didn't "put her lot in" with the "elitist" economists, calling into question how different her presidency would be to George W. Bush's. Her criticism came after Stephonopoulus asked her to name a single economist...

Inhabitants of the Democratic Republic of Congo are losing their penises, and sorcerers are to blame. So far 13 such sorcerers have been arrested and accused of "using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises." Victims say that just the touch of sorcerer, like a picture of...