According to CNN, Barack Obama is considering accepting his nomination at Invesco Field. But because of weather concerns, that may not happen. Boo.

Of course, there is an alternative: Barack Obama accepts his nomination at the Tecmo Bowl.

Barack's already a lot like Tecmo Bowl's Bo...

I went to an America-themed wedding last weekend.

My friend--who asked not to be put into this article--has an uncle who's very, very, very conservative. He's a firefighter, he hates seeing gay dudes kiss at Six Flags, that sort of thing. And for his third wedding, he decided to switch...

You think you know the truth? Sure. Believe what CNN tells you about North Korea blowing up a nuclear tower. Whatever.

But I got a line on what really happened. And, girl, the truth going to take your mind on a date and never call it back.

Because,...

I don't know if you guys saw, but the original king of comedy is back! And this time, he means business! Funny business that is! Exclamation point! Introducing...

Featuring some of his latest greatest jokes demeaning geographic areas over which he currently has power!

Such as:

Now that Barack Obama has resigned from his membership in the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, one would think they would simply each go their own way. But if the signs around Trinity on Sunday were any indication, the church isn't taking the break up too...

According to a few sources, Hillary hopes a compromise in the Florida and Michigan primaries will help her come back. But she could be doing more:

Pray to the Dark Lord Cthulu

Your Christian God has failed you, Clinton! It is time to give...

After the continual pummeling she's received in the past few weeks, Hillary Clinton now claims that she's within striking distance of the popular vote.

And while that's clearly not true, I disagree with those who claim she's not even in the ballpark. In fact, she's very well within...

Oh, Iran! You! C'mere you! If you were personified as a little kid, I'd give you a swirly, I would! First you hate Jews. Then you tell me that there are no gays in your country. And now you ban Barbie? What won't you do for a little...

According to CNN, some Americans are now traveling to Mexico to buy cheap gas. Like its people, Mexico's gas is both hardworking and half the price of the American equivalent.

Naturally, saving so much money on gas comes with its own temptations.

For example: it let's say at...

SETTING: Hillary Clinton at a Passover seder.