Bigfoot is a child molester. Get over it.

I know you read about him in elementary school, fascinated by the black and white photo you found in a Big Book of Mysteries. I know you saw Harry and the Hendersons and wanted to adopt him. I know all...

Well, well, well...looks like there's a new perv on the Catholic block! And here you thought it was just old man-priests that delighted in the touch of the younger kind. Not so.

Meet Sister Norma Giannini, a nun at St. Patrick's Church in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The octogenarian...

Are there any heroes left?

Who will the children look up to now that the infallible, incomparable and devastatingly handsome Lil' Wayne has been arrested on felony drug changes? It's frankly shocking to hear that the rapper was caught with four ounces of marijuana, just over an ounce...

Seriously. Good luck.

What would you do to secure tickets to see Hannah Montana in concert? Would you murder a kitten? Would you poison a group of feisty nuns? Or would you write an essay posing as your 6-year-old daughter outlining how your daddy died in Iraq, describing how it makes you both...

Well...are you happy now, hippies? New Jersey is banning the death penalty.

Instead of banning one of the multitude of other things in New Jersey that is an actual threat to humanity (Newark!), they go and ban the one thing that whittles down the massive number of incarcerated...

On Tuesday, George "President" Bush opened up to a reporter regarding his past addiction to alcohol, a rare moment for Americans, as we were actually treated to a bit of candor from the commander in chief.

I will now provide you with some Chicken Soup for the...

Dick-loving, Idahoan Sex-a-tor Larry Craig is being deluged with more allegations of naughty behavior as his past man-suitors keep coming out of the wood work, so to speak.

In honor of this occasion, I've elected to write Larry an open letter about some ideas I...

Satan is up to his old tricks again!

That's right folks. Be careful out there because big ol' Beelzebub has got dark designs on you and everyone else! And he's had them since the '80s!

Don't believe me? Well then settle in for this torturous tale of eeeeee-vil.