• "The next question is for Governor Richardson. Governor Richardson, where do you stand on the issue of....uh....I'm sorry, your double chin is really distracting."

• "Congressman Kucinich, let's just pretend for a moment that we lived in some sort of topsy-turvy storybook town where you could be elected president..."

• "Senator Dodd, how would your administration remedy the growing humanitarian crisis in the... uh....you know what? Maybe we should save that one for a real candidate."

• "I'd like the next question to be answered at the exact same time by Senators Edwards and Obama, and then halfway in we'll throw in some Kucinich, and then maybe add a little twist of Biden at the end."

• "Okay, the next nine or ten questions are for Senator Clinton...."

• "Okay, so, does anyone here want to talk about global warming, or should we just skip it?"

• "Senator Dodd, would you mind answering all of your questions tonight in an aggressive, heavily-rehearsed tone reminiscent of Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman?"

• "Senator Edwards, I want to remind you to please answer all of your questions in the form of a direct attack on Senator Clinton."

• "Senator Edwards, what would you say your make-up job is more reminiscent of: a mannequin covered in flour, or a 38-year-old night-shift waitress at IHOP?"

• "The next question was going to be for Senator Biden, but I think we all pretty much got a handle on his shtick by this point..."

• "Okay, Senator Clinton, here's the deal: You're going to be the nominee. I know it. You know it. The American people know it. So just close your eyes, spin around a couple of times, point at somebody to be your running mate, and let's get this fucking thing over with so we can watch the Dallas-San Antonio game on TNT."