2007/04/08

In the Name of God, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

Welcome to the online personal memoranda of the most humble President of the Seventh Government of Iran. Here I can speak about the many issues between peoples, without interference of your leaders, who refuse to speak to me directly, peace be upon them.

I had not explored internet previously, but surely it is proof of the lasting miracle of God. One site, for example, returns a multitude of informational websites from a simple word search. It is called, amusingly, "Google." Here is the link: http://www.google.com

Of what will they next think?

I will devote 15 minutes per week to this blog. This I promise my readers.

2007/5/28

In the Name of God, Holy Arbiter of Justice Among Men.

Almighty, we beg you to deliver he whom you have promised us, in all of his perfection, that we may be among him.

And we beg you, also, to intervene in the life of Lindsay Lohan, symbol of the ceremonial opulence of the Great Satan, who fritters away her time and wealth on alcohol and clubbing. She is everything I abhor but she is also like a starlit jewel: splendid in the light, fascinating to behold. I cannot stop watching her.

During this period of public disgrace, the gifts she so artfully displayed in The Mean Girls lie fallow, not to be enjoyed in black market DVDs shot with hand-held digital video cameras in French cinemas. This is a tragedy.

Although, if truth be spoken, Herbie Fully Loaded was an even bigger tragedy, if such a thing is possible. (It was one of five American movies imported into our country last year. Why can we never get the good stuff?)

Here is the link to that which this post refers: http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1560583/20070527/lohan_lindsay.jhtml

2007/07/25

In the Name of God, the Most Holy and Mercifully Just.

My apologies for the absence of my blog posting. Although I am devoting my weekly 15 minutes to Internet, I only seem to absorb its curiosities, such as the video of the squirrel chasing the rabbit into the frightened man's toolshed, and the hilarious footage of the trampoline launching the small child over the backyard fence. It is amazing what you can find.

In other news, our engineers insist they need more input from me to produce weapons from our nuclear program. I tell them I am busy with affairs of state, but in truth I have discovered MySpace. Already I am friends with "Tom," and there are so many others who have posted their own music and whose profile pictures sparkle like snow at sunrise. Oh my people, where is the time to gather all the fruits life offers?

To be honest, I am spending a little more than 15 minutes per week on Internet.

To be honest, it is more like 15 hours per day.

A certain Darlene Simmons, writing from the American town of Cedar Rapids, suggests my acceptance into the community of nations might be helped if I stopped denying the Holocaust.

I do no quite understand her suggestion, but I will give the matter some thought.

2007/10/15

In the Name of God, etc., forget MySpace. I have discovered something better. It is called "Facebook."

Its name is an enigma to me, but it is blessed with superior networking functions. God bless the infinite capacities of the works of man. I have added the "Zombie" application and scored 88% on "Can You Guess This Movie?"

I have discovered another miraculous site as well, called "TMZ." It contains news of American celebrities and many startling photographs.

2007/12/25

In the Name of God, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate.

Regretfully, this will be my last post. I have resolved to spend less time on the Internet.

I have only blogged for eight months, but in that time my inattention to certain matters has become a concern. Our insurgency in Iraq has lost momentum. Our engineers have given up plans to develop military applications for our nuclear program. Worst of all, my wife discovered my secret cache of downloads from the site God in his wisdom and mercy does not allow me to name or describe.

In closing, I extend best wishes to the people of the world, and also to the Hollywood writers, who strike valiantly against the forces of greed. I have been reading LateShowWritersonStrike.com. These guys are clever! I especially enjoyed the Gingerbread Network Headquarters.

Peace be upon you.