We liveblog the week's worst movie so you don't have to see it.

4:15p Ricky and Alex arrive at the theater with their spy gear (aka binoculars). Alex thinks Ricky looks like a birdwatcher. Ricky just likes his cardigan, a lot.

4:31p Sepia toned news footage tells us people hate America. Lots of generic protest signs read "we hate president" instead of "we hate President William Hurt." See how they are blurring the line between fiction and reality?

4:32p U.S. president appearing at landmark summit to formalize end of terrorism. Movie has used the phrase "war on terror" three times in the first two minutes.

4:33p Black chick from Center Stage is a young idealistic reporter at "GNN" (wow) thinks American news is censored. Jaded and cynical stereotype Sigourney Weaver shuts her down.

4:34p Sigourney Weaver's name in this movie is Rex Brooks. Apparently, she's a puppy.

4:35p Thomas Barnes (aka America's dad Dennis Quaid) is here with the president's detail. He survived being shot while on duty.

4:36p The president has been shot. Young reporter can't handle it, she's blubbering. Women are so emotional. She's crying (not reporting) when the plaza they are in explodes.

4:37p She's dead. We know this cause the camera that's three feet away from her was unscathed by the blast that killed her and is still pointed at her now dead body.

4:38p New "vantage point" we rewind--go back 23 minutes in time. .emit ni setunim 32 kcab og--dniwer ew "tniop egatnav" weN

(Ricky and Alex switch seats in the theater. Now in South-East corner.)

4:39p We see Dennis Quaid's flahsbacks to being shot. They're in black and white (which means they're serious.) He pops some pills. The hot guy from Lost tells Dennis Quaid "it's time."

4:42p Spain (aka Mexico City) hates America.

4:43p Ricky whispers "Who goes to see Vantage Point alone?" (In response to the abnormal number of creepy single men that are in the theater and one alone woman that looks like that terrible conservative comedian for FOX News.)

4:44p Alex is concerned we are being asked to love George W. Bush. Movie is worse from this vantage point.

4:45p Spanish president is speaking in the plaza. Dennis Quaid sees terror everywhere. He spots Forest Whitaker filming the action. FW looks worried.

4:46p William Hurt shot again. Dennis Quaid freezes, Matthew Fox tells him to find the shooter.

4:47p Best exchange thus far:

Dennis Quaid: This should never have happened.
Matthew Fox: Except it did and on our watch.
Dennis Quaid: I can't live with that.

4:49p Dennis Quaid survives blast. Matthew Fox's instructions to find that shooter reverberate through his head. Wait, is it his job to find that shooter? Ricky and I aren't sure. We kind of feel like he should just protect the president. Hmmm. If any of you know email us at info@236.com. (Yeah, that email address isn't used to get info about the site, it's to give us information.)

4:50p Insignificant secret service agent dies with expected fanfare. Dennis Quaid: "WE NEED A MEDIC." Ricky and Alex: "Or a writer."

4:51p Dennis Quaid explodes into GNN mobile command and demands to see their tapes.

4:52p Dennis Quaid keeps seeing something, saying "oh my god" and running away. Really fucking annoying.

4:53p New "vantage point" we rewind--go back 12p movie time. Ricky and Alex also need new vantage point. Move to South-West corner of the theater.

This time we're in the head of several Spanish people. (Obviously, they're bad guys, hello, they're BROWN!)

4:56p One of them (we'll call him easily-manipulated guy #1) goes to the plaza. He wasn't the shooter, he was taken in by an America-hating whore. They share intense stare across the plaza before he is taken away in hand-cuffs and blamed for the shooting.

4:58p He escapes. Is hit by car. Is totally fine.

4:59p Secret service agents are chasing him. He gets hit buy another car. Is (again) totally fine. Or as Ricky says, "chase, chase, hit by car, hit by car, trite line of dialogue."

5:01p New "vantage point" we rewind--go back 12p movie time. Ricky and Alex are hating this movie. Maybe it will be better from outside the theater?

Forest Whitaker is an amazing amateur cameraman. He has captured every important person and event in the film. He tells the stranger about his failed marriage and love of his children. Ok, Peter Travis, way to insert verbose "vantage backstory" so we didn't think he was just a walking handicam.

5:04p President approaches podium. Facial expression suggests this is the greatest moment of Whitaker's life. We wonder whether Forest might be a better director than actor.

5:08p FW saves (aka kidnaps) small child.

5:09p FW runs after shooter to film him. Leaves kidnapped child (Anna) with police officer. He is fast for a large man.

5:11p Twelve-year-old Anna runs out into traffic because she doesn't know the difference between the ambulance that's about to hit her and the mother she's looking for. (Keeps yelling "MAMMA" as if the ambulance is going to morph into her transformer style.)

5:14p New "vantage point" we rewind--go back 12p movie time. This time we're in President William Hurt's head. NSA confirms threat of attack at big speech so his aides decide to send in a double to speak for him instead. Aide says Reagan did it but Holden is not happy with the decision. Ending terror is important.

5:15p The threat is from the Mujahideen, the Afghani group we backed against the Soviets. They smuggled bomb through Morroco.

5:16p Presidents aides spoke to the Joint Chiefs of Staff and they want to blow up Morocco. Um, since when did these conversations happen without the commander in chief? That's like a McDonald's fry cook fucking with the special sauce.

5:17p William Hurt recognizes Dennis Quaid. Wonders why DQ isn't guarding him. His aides (who again are more powerful than he is) say, "we needed to see if we could trust him." Wait, he saved the president's life? Why wouldn't you be able to trust him? Ricky and Alex are confused.

5:20p Everything blown up and shot, aides now really want to blow up Morroco. Pres says to stand down.

Second best exchange of the movie:
Aide: Mr. President we have to act strong.
William Holden: No, we have to be strong.

5:22p Evil aides killed, president kidnapped. Not possible.

5:23p Alex thinks someone who is required to wear a helmet indoors wrote this movie. She wakes Ricky up to tell him this.

5:25p Americans are arrogant idiots. Terrorists are totes humble.

5:29p New facts revealed: Fake president was shot via blackberry and gun attached to a security camera.

5:31 Ricky wakes up, says, "I get it," and falls right back to sleep.

5:33p All vantage points merge into one terrible movie.

5:35p Matthew fox is a bad guy. Oops. No one cares.

5:39p Every secondary character is member of the conspiracy: cameraman, Matthew Fox, etc.

5:43 Dennis Quaid drives through Spanish mall.

5:45p Dennis Quaid's car is crushed by a hurtling truck between the grill and a brick wall. He is fine.

5:46 For whatever reason, Dennis Quaid looks really silly with a gun in this movie.

5:47p Lots of Spanish people dying. Too boring to explain.

5:48p Matthew Fox (as he's dying): "This war will never end" (nor will this movie)-- We don't understand what he meant by that. The war in Iraq that they never mention? The war on terror? The terrorists war on America? And how does this explain his involvement? Whatever war will never end so mind as well join them???

5:50p Ambulance swerves to avoid small girl. It turns over. Turns out this is the same ambulance with the kidnapped president in it. Plot is foiled. (Thank god, this is over.)

Summary: We were warned, but we went anyway. We're not sure what they are trying to say about America (except that we make bad movies), they seem to be pro-peace, but not anti-war. The film ends with a newscaster saying it was a single shooter, so the dead reporter chick was right: American news is censored, we're all being lied to. We kind of think they were trying to tell us there are so many vantage points that we all miss--so much subjectivity but it's hard to make that point when you forget to tell the director and he makes a one-sided piece of crap. Oh yeah, in case you were wondering, Forest Whittaker does take care of his marital "rough-patch" in the end. Awesome.