Wow...John Edwards is so bold! Today's endorsement of Barack Obama ensured that Edwards is as politically relevant as The Offspring are to a '90s radio flashback weekend. With Hillary Clinton almost mathematically out of the race, Edwards proved his mettle by making an endorsement in Michigan.

Why Michigan? It's obvious. No state was more deeply divided in the quest to pick a Democratic presidential nominee than a place where voters had a choice between Hillary Clinton and Uncommitted in their January primary.

So what does this Edwards endorsement mean? Is he vying for a spot on an Obama presidential ticket? Did he feel like his heartthrob status has been threatened by the media attention given to the upcoming New Kids on the Block reunion?

It's tough to tell what Edwards has planned in his future, but I've received special access to his schedule for the upcoming week. Based on the other bold endorsements he has scheduled, it is safe to say that John Edwards will be a political force for years to come.

John Edwards' Schedule for the Week of May 15, 2008-May 21, 2008

Thursday, May 15, 2008 - New York, NY - Senator Edwards to passionately support the New York Giants instead of the New England Patriots in the 2008 Super Bowl. Edwards will admit he was torn over an endorsement because while he understands the Giants won the game, he still thinks Eli Manning is kind of a douche.

Friday, May 16, 2008 - Atlanta, GA - John Edwards will give a radical stump speech in the South supporting the 14th Amendment, which was ratified in 1868 and enabled slaves to become citizens of the United States. Edwards is expected to note that without this amendment, he is less likely to become the son of a Southern mill worker. It is not clear as to whether or not he will mention that without the 14th Amendment, son of a slave owner just doesn't have a nice ring to it.

Saturday, May 17, 2008 - Washington D.C. - John Edwards steps out of a De Lorean with Christopher Lloyd and a hover board to endorse the upcoming war with Iran. Edwards has pledged he will not reveal much about the war, but promises there is a great scene with Ahmadinejad and a truck full of manure.

Sunday, May 18, 2008 - Raleigh, NC - Haircut.

Monday, May 19, 2008 - Puerto Rico - Despite the knowledge that it will be an unpopular position, John Edwards will travel to Puerto Rico to speak out against the government's decision to add 6 more quarters to the 50 State Quarter Program. While Edwards respects Puerto Rico, Guam, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and Northern Mariana Islands, he will point out that none of those places are states. Additionally, he will mention how hard it is for Americans to get the laundry done when an unexpected new design makes people want to save the quarter, which renders the currency useless.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - Los Angeles, CA - John Edwards to appear on this season's American Idol to urge viewers to get behind Kelly Clarkson during the 2002 season of American Idol. Although Edwards will support Clarkson, he has definitively stated he will not support the movie From Justin to Kelly.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008 - Chapel Hill, NC - Touch-up Sunday's Haircut.

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