Seems like the extended Democratic nomination process is taking its toll on more than the candidates--it's also making it a real bitch to plan the after-party.

The host committee (think your high school's prom committee, writ large) promised Denver a $55 million bash, but cash on hand is only $23 million at this point--and who can throw a convention for only $23 million???

That barely covers the bloomin' onion budget for Ted Kennedy.

But have no fear, Dems - like Charles Grodin in Dave, I'm here to provide some common-sense budget help that should make your convention totally kick-ass.

1. MYLAR BALLOONS

Yes, they're more expensive than the latex kind. But this party goes on for three, four days - and Mylar can go the distance! You spend a little more for quality, but you save in the long run.

Plus, you can get cool characters like SpongeBob, NASCAR's Jeff Gordon, or Barack Obama right on the balloon. In fact, why not all three?

2. CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP

Want to pull in some party profit while you pontificate? Branded speakers are the ticket. Consider naturals like:

Howard Dean with a Dean Foods logo tattooed to his forearm or...

Al Gore in a Gore-Tex mock turtleneck.

3. PARTY GAMES

Big-ticket entertainment like Fleetwood Mac offers the spectacle of a lurching Tipper Gore, but Stevie Nicks and Co. come with a glitzy price tag.

So forget the big stars and go one better -- party games! This instructive video shows how you can have lots of fun at a party without the aid of fancy dresses or alcoholic beverages.

Jimmy crack corn indeed!