• Reverend Jeremiah Wright? More like Reverend Jeremiah Wrong! You know what I'm saying here, folks?
• What's the deal with Hillary Clinton? It's like OK we get it...you think you can win. Now stop bothering us.
• And Barack Obama! Hope this, hope that. I hope he stops talking about hope so much. Am I right here?
• Roger Clemens and an underage country singer? First the steroids, now this. Not a good year for that guy.
• Barbara Walters said this week that in the 70's, she had an affair with a married senator. I heard she even told him she "wuvved him." Because her voice. You know!
• That President Bush is making me so angry lately. Fight the terrorists there so we don't have to fight them here. Um...what about those of us who don't want to fight them at all. Right? Right?
• The price of gas. Oh, don't even get me started! The other day, I was at the pump and I looked at the price. I walked over to the attendant and said, "Excuse me, but why is the gas pump giving me its phone number?" So many digits in that price...so many!
• Miley Cyrus is apologizing for those topless photos of her in Vanity Fair. What are we going to see next week--Dakota Fanning showing some leg in Tiger Beat? Right? Is that even a magazine anymore? Who even knows?
• People are calling for a boycott of the Olympics in China. I don't know about you, but I'm calling for a boycott of those tacky figure skating outfits. They're so tacky and tight.
• American Idol is down to the final four and everyone is really sad when someone gets voted off. Simon though calls it a laugh fest. He's so mean, that one. So mean, but we love him. We do!
• AND THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING THIS WEEK...In Joketown!