Finally, someone at the conservative Web site Townhall.com has realized that the problems facing this world are not confined to foreign lands like Iraq, Iran or SanFraSacraPorlanTonio.

No, the real frontline of the war on terror is on cable channel 17. (Note: If for some odd reason you don't live in Wisconsin's beautiful Fox River Valley, the channel may vary.) That's right, kids, it's the MTV. And at the epicenter of this battle of good vs. evil is a bisexual Internet slut who's got all the boys lined up--along with a bunch of chicks with Home Depot charge cards and an overweening fondness for the Indigo Girls. Yes, we're talking about one Miss Tila Tequila, the biggest threat to come out of Vietnam since Ho Chi Minh's Def Jam premiered on Nickelodeon.

So what valiant knight was to take up the sword and battle this young, once-humble immigrant whose only weapon is a killer rack? Enter young Kris Kringle, who's now going by the name Brent Bozell III. Now, we can't really explain with great detail how the whole Santa thing works, but apparently there's some sort of reoccurring birth of infant Kris Kringles every 50 years or so, who then grow to significant age and girth, only to slay the elder Santa, carrying his reins until they themselves are vanquished by the next to rise in the demonic lineage.

History lesson aside, Bozell--a frequently published columnist and president of the Media Research Center, whose two-pronged mission is to monitor liberal media bias and exacerbate our already troubling trade deficit with red-ink-producing countries--has chosen to spend his pre-Santa Claus years sinning against God and man as an arch-conservative cultural critic.

In his column Tila Tequila, MTV's Latest Poison, Bozell writes that, "In her own twisted way, Tila Nguyen (her given name) probably considers herself a great American immigrant success story." Bozell begs to differ. Apparently, becoming an Internet sensation and cutting a lucrative cable television deal is somehow not as civilized as standing in the hot Arizona sun with a "will work for food" sign.

Now, we're not exactly prepared to endorse Tila's show, A Shot at Love. Though a watershed of sorts, it's unlikely to achieve the cultural relevance and serene dignity of, say, Face the Nation, unless Bob Schieffer manages to tart it up just a little more.

Then again, with the glut of terrible dating shows that have graced cable and network television in recent years, we wonder why Bozell has reserved his scorn for this particular program. Could it be that Ms. Tequila, like Strangers With Candy's inimitable Jerri Blank, likes the pole and the hole? Yeah, that's probably it.