John McCain released a paper today claiming that he will balance the budget through "savings from victory in Iraq and Afghanistan," which is the same as saying, "I'm not going to balance the budget," or, "hey, look over there!" and then running out of the room. I must admit, though, there was a time when I had an economic platform that made as much sense.

[Scene opens on a father and his 5 year old son in a kitchen in Iowa]

Me: Dad, I owe my friend $20. Can I have $5?
Dad: Ok, sure.

[Dad gives me $5]

Me: Can I have 5 more?
Dad: I don't think so.
Me: Ok, how about I give you this $5, then you give it back. Then I'll have my new $5, and my old $5!
Dad: Um...

[I give Dad $5, he gives it back]

Me: Yay! $10!
Dad: [sighs] John...
Me: Let's do it again!
Dad: Hang on a minute, son.
Me: [presidential] Money is easy.
Dad: I don't think you understand--
Me: [wearing flag pin suddenly] Hard work. Investment. Personal responsibility.
Dad: John, you're not making any sense.
Me: Trickle down economics.

[I pee my pants. Scene ends.]

I actually stole that last part from a John McCain rally.