The past two weeks have seen the largest bank failures in American history, the destruction of financial legends, and the largest one day market drop in history, but there is a silver lining to be found in all this chaos. Your humble writer received a notification today of a new blog post that Osama bin Laden wrote, addressing his lieutenants and followers around the world. It is reprinted below in full, and contains the only good news Americans will hear for the next 5 weeks, at least.

ZOMG! 777 points down! Srsly, doods, ur job is dun!

So, guys, um, what's up? Nothing much here. You know, just dooing my thang!

ANYWAY!!!

Yeah, i don't know if yoo herd, but America ain't doing so hot, fo reel. Like, you know when i said, "we must burn America to the ground and cripple the economy of the infidels!!"? They're totally already dooing that to themselves!!!!!!!

i know!!!!!!

So, like i always say, "death to America," and all that, but, HONESTLY GUYS, I'm kind of pooped. These attacks don't plan themselves, and, like, right now? What's teh point? yeeeeeahhhhh, an attack right now would be so devastating they might never recover....but...yeah....i don't know. i guess i just wanna focus on some other shit i gots goin' on right now. just get my head straight, and, like, be osama for a while, or wahtevr.

so, I guess what I'm saying is, chillax doods. Soak up teh sun!!!! OH! and you haaaave to watch this!!!!! yaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!
it's bin (ha!) reel.

bL

ps- if any of yoo jokers make a rickroll video of me i'll kill yoo!!!!!!! Lol!!!!!! Not!!!!!!!!