Little League Coach - Larry Cadilliero

Quickly pinpointing the children on his team that had talent and athletic ability, Cadilliero poured all his attention upon these few children and generally ignored and occasionally ridiculed the children he felt lacked in natural ability.

The team proved lopsided in play and lacked cohesion. They ended with a 4-7 record and did not make the playoffs.

Hot Dog Vendor - Burt Thistleroy

Thistleroy came into the job as many in the personnel office agreed, "hazardously unqualified." Nevertheless many others believed that his folksy charm would appeal to customers and that while admittedly a little slow, he would grow into the job. In the end, the majority concluded that it was impossible that he was as stupid as his clumsy, bumbling manner suggested.

During his inappropriately lengthy tenure, Thistleroy did manage to secure for himself a rather small clientele. These consisted of people who appreciated his contrived folksy fumblings as authenticity, a few working people who found it convenient to buy their lunches from their carted vendor who never strayed far from his unenlightened position in an underdeveloped part of town, and people who enjoyed low quality meat with relish as their only choice of condiment--Thistleroy did not think much of ketchup or mustard and refused to offer it from his cart.

Thistleroy was finally relieved of his duties when it came to light, through his own empty-headed boastings, that he had never changed the hot dog water that he heated his undercooked franks in. This he did as a result of a desire to save money on cleaning supplies and undoubtedly, laziness. Legal action by the new management could be in store.

Janitor - Lou Simms

Parkmont Elementary School hired Simms to succeed a man who, while over-hyped, a liar, and a fool, still managed to leave the facility behind in a somewhat agreeable state.

Simms came into the job with big promises, yet by the time he left, the basic infrastructure was in a woeful condition, the hallways were strewn with garbage, the foul-smelling bathrooms were crawling with vermin, and the ceiling leaked nearly everywhere, curiously, even when it was not raining. It was later discovered that Simms had given the bulk of the district's cleaning supplies to a nearby wealthier district, hoping that later in life the extreme cleanliness there might trickle down to their lowly hovel of a school. In addition to this, he allowed some of his friends in the sanitation department to dump various waste on the school's playground. He hopes to vindicate himself in his memoirs.

President, Meadow Lake Community Leadership - Icabod Elmhurst

Following an administrative error, Icabod was launched into the most powerful position of the group leadership in this golf community consisting of mostly seniors. He began his tenure by rehauling the community in the interests of its most wealthy inhabitants.

With the deaths of his two fiercest opponents, he packed the rest of the committee with his supporters and was finally able to execute the projects he held closest to his heart. In the following years, he outlawed bingo, constructed a 75-foot high cross, and enacted a strict monitoring policy on the community's Muslims.

Meadow Lake's property values have dropped substantially. Vacant structures now exceed 30 percent.

Head Lifeguard - Hal McNirney

That summer, Hal hired all of his friends to work at the pool as his lifeguards. He gave his pals choice hours and looked the other way when they were clearly too drunk to keep watch. Occasionally, though, he and his buddies wanted to take the day off on occasion and get some much deserved rest and amusement about town. Hal hired local street toughs to keep order in his absence. Things went smoothly the first few times, but unfortunately these toughs started a fight one day and stole a bunch of stuff as they fled. Hal decided to use the street toughs a bit less after that. He still might face legal problems on account of this as well.

Stationery Store Manager - Rooster Midgely

Alarmed by the growing cost of fine grade cotton fiber paper, Rooster decided that decisive action was the only thing that could possibly assure the continued prosperity of his store.

Citing trumped up or nonexistent threats, assassination attempts, and expansionist aspirations of nearby cotton farms, Midgely proposed a forceful seizure of all properties belonging to the largest cotton supplier in the country of fine stationery products.

Midgely, along with his stores employees and a number of volunteers, forcefully seized the farm. Despite early successes, Midgely soon found that a determined resistance had perked up among the various locals. As the odds of success grew darker with every passing moment, Midgely foolishly held out hope that victory was within his grasp--this, even though much of the cotton was destroyed in the conflict, and what was still available was of compromised quality.

Midgely hopes history will be the true judge of his actions.

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