Admit it: a large portion of the American electorate is just stupid. Any country that elected George W. Bush twice has a serious intellectual deficit, but many Americans can't find Iraq on a map, can't identify a Supreme Court justice, and don't know an earmark from the Erie Canal. They think Blackwater is a plumbing problem and Halliburton is Liz Taylor and Richard Burton's daughter. On Jay Leno's "Jaywalking," people on the street identify Condoleezza Rice as Diana Ross and Dick Cheney as Mr. Whipple.

Legitimate issues don't matter, because people don't understand them. Personas, fashion shows and sound bites they get. McCain's campaign manager Rick Davis admitted as much, saying that the election is not about issues, it's about personalities. Since the majority of Americans favor Democratic ideas, the Republicans have to make it about something else, so they enlist Sarah Palin, with Down's syndrome baby, Evangelical Christianity and pregnant daughter in tow. Obama said "eight is enough" to the Bush years, while the Republicans actually try to turn the election into "Eight Is Enough."

We have moved from supporting candidates qualified to solve the world's problems to supporting people who are "just like us," which is - say it with me - stupid. My alcoholic cousin is "just like us," and he sits on his front porch all day playing with a paddle ball and drooling. I don't want a presidential candidate who is "just like us." I want a mensa James Bond, someone who can balance a budget, protect the country, and impress the rest of the world. I don't care if you can hunt a moose.

Pro-lifers are writhing in G-rated orgasms because Palin had the kid rather than abort, and her kid will have a kid and get married to a kid who doesn't want kids - traditional family values at the point of a gun. Republican speechwriter Peggy Noonan, in her finest to-the-manor-born manner, accused the Democrats of exploiting handicapped children and dysfunctional families for political purposes, and now the Republicans are exploiting handicapped children and dysfunctional families for political purposes.

Stupidity is not limited to straight people. McCain didn't know what the acronym LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) stands for - maybe he thought it meant "Let's Go Bomb Tehran." Nevertheless, the Log Cabin Republicans endorsed McPalin, despite that the platform supports no legal recognition of same sex relationships whatsoever, no protections against discrimination, no gays in the military, no adoption by gays, and no sex education. Talk about the pink elephant in the room.

I understand not being a one-issue voter, but I'm sorry, but if you're gay and you support a ticket that offers you nothing but outright hostility, you're either stupid or a masochist. We'd be better off if you just went to an S&M club and worked it out with a dungeon master. A gay person voting for a Republican in 2008 is like a fly voting for a swatter.

The religious fanatics once again rule the Republicans, and they think we're stupid enough to fall for it. Anyone who thinks it's God's will to build a pipeline through Alaska is stupid. Anyone who thinks Almighty God chooses the president is stupid. And anyone who doesn't see religious fanaticism as the biggest problem in the world is stupid. Who attacked us on 9/11? Religious fanatics. Who screwed up the response to it? Religious fanatics. Who beat me in the 7th grade? Nuns. I rest my case.

Right wing strategist Kellyanne Conway said, in addition to her other fine qualities, that at least Paiin isn't playing golf or having affairs. Sometimes this stuff just writes itself.