Huckabee Gets the Stupid Hick Vote Jim David | Bio

Mike Huckabee's wife looks like Ma Kettle dressed as the Statue of Liberty, but never mind. I'm sure she's a good shot, and the fashion sense of a political wife is beside the point.

Huckabee handily won Arkansas, West Virginia, Georgia, Tennessee, and Alabama. Quick: what states still have the largest population of Klan members?

Huckabee is a good speaker and is quick with a quip. So am I, and so what? But Huckabee does not believe in evolution. He doesn't believe that all the scientific fact, all the fossils, all the carbon dating, or anything that can be scientifically proven about the history of the world means diddly squat. And any candidate who thinks that the world is 6,000 years old and that man walked the earth with dinosaurs is a stupid hick, and anyone who supports him is a stupid hick. There, I said it. Let the hate mail fly.

Huckabee said this, in response to a specific question about amending the Constitution to outlaw gay marriage (or, as it is known in more rarefied circles, marriage equality):"I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God, and that's what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards."

If you voted for a man who said that we need to change the Constitution to fit the laws of God and not of man, you're a stupid hick. Really. You're a moron, and your opinions have no merit whatsoever. There, I said it. Go mow someone's lawn, because that's all you're good for. You're a goober.

Here's why: because we're in America, and because the First Freaking Amendment of the damn American Constitution specifically states that CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW RESPECTING AN ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION, OR PROHIBITING THE FREE EXERCISE THEREOF. In the words of Pat Buchanan, "Period, Paragraph." That's it. Get that, Hickabee? Our legal system must proceed in a secular way, as if God does not exist, if they're following the Constitution. Really. You can personally believe, but you better not let those beliefs interfere with the dispassionate law. If your candidate says we should change the law to suit God and you agree with him, you're a stupid hick.

The Republicans are clearly divided into several camps: people who hate paying taxes, people who hate minorities, religious fanatics, and Nazis. Huckabee got a smattering of the last three categories.

Huckabee has some good qualities--he supports high school bands and drama clubs--but he's a religious nut and doesn't believe in science, so that completely disqualifies him from holding any office but pastor or governor of an intellectually challenged state. He's already done both. Don't even think he's going to be elected president, ever. Not even in this country that elected Bush twice. They may be dumb, but they're not as dumb as Huckabee's supporters.

There, I said it. Duhhhhh.