(AP) Feb 6, 2008

After an exhaustive search for a proper venue, the Republican National Committee announced today that the 2008 Republican National Convention will be held in columnist Ann Coulter's vagina.

"We're expecting record attendance, and this newer, larger venue should accommodate overflow crowds," said RNC Chairman Robert M. (Mike) Duncan. "After looking at New York, Dallas and Salt Lake City, we realized we had the perfect venue right under our noses. Minneapolis, we decided, is just to cold for most of the elderly people who will be attending the convention. Coulter's vagina is much more similar to their south Florida climate."

Coulter, the popular columnist who recently wrote that she agreed with everything Jerry Falwell ever said and also that we should speed up the genocide in Darfur and get it over with already, was more than happy to rent her vagina to the RNC. "As a strong believer in Republican values, I consider it a huge honor to host the Convention. I have already started preparing my vagina for the event - it's being sandblasted as we speak, and construction crews are at the ready. They will do a bangup job, as I've used them before and I know their work. Besides, if the convention is in my vagina, I might finally be able to do something about John McCain."

This is not the first time Coulter's spacious vagina has hosted a major event. Previous events held there include her tenth high school reunion, numerous conservative fund raisers, as well as many private functions with key Republican operatives, including Tom Delay, FBI agents and Jack Abramoff associates.

Plans are afoot to outfit the vagina with special booths, restaurants, meeting rooms, as well as adding an extra 23,000 seats and several additional television studios. Coulter herself will continue to be available to promote her new book, as well as holding book readings and signings in her vagina.

US Airways has signed on as the official airline for the Convention, and has also rented out space in Coulter's vagina for several aircraft hangers.

The new tenants will be able to take advantage of the "You Are Here" signs already in Coulter's vagina, but construction crews already working on the site have said that due the vagina's heavy usage after Coulter's Conservative Political Action Conference visit, much more clean up time will be needed.