For those of you who didn't like There Will Be Blood because it didn't offer a cathartic redemption story, Daniel Plainview would like you to give him a second chance with this Happy Earth Day message. I can't say for certain, but it sounds like he's a changed man. You might also want to watch the deleted scene in the Special Features where he invites his son and daughter-in-law to Thanksgiving dinner and they go on a road trip.

Everyone is doing Earth Day. Google, YouTube...those are the only places I've been so far at work today. Although, my company sent an email announcing that hereafter they will begin providing utensils made from 100% cornstarch and flatware made from 100% sugarcane. They waited until today to start the initiative because it's important to make a themed event out of it. At first I was skeptical; in my head our corporate machinery, "the man," really is a cross between Daniel Plainview and the Wizard of Oz--mustachioed, villainous, gelatinous. I was skeptical too because my only experiences with cornstarch so far have involved gravy and primarily mushy substances, but I went ahead and did some research about cornstarch and sugarcane utensil products.

It turns out both cornstarch and sugarcane are actually considered "compostable" (made-up word), which is even better than biodegradable because it degrades itself (made-up phrase) more easily. Cutlery and flatware made from these products are usable with hot and cold foods--and the sugarcane plates and bowls can be microwaved. Both the products are considered "sustainable" because sugarcane uses the stalks discarded from sugar manufacturing, and cornstarch comes from our trusted friend, the corn. I'm sure there are points to argue about the sugar industry being propped up by domestic farm subsidies that keep developing nations poor and corn farming depleting soil nutrients, but don't ruin Earth Day for me, okay? I'm trying to have fun here.

So tonight, why don't you buy a disposable picnic basket for your lovers' Earth Day twilight hike? Or come to my office break room. The one thing we don't have is cups. They claim it's for environmental reasons, but I think it's just to save money. If people don't have cups, they can't drink the Arrowhead water. But don't ruin Earth Day for me, ok?