The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Back From Alaska Jeffrey Jena | Bio

You take a week off and the world goes nuts! I'll get to the media's Obamathon and "Barack Does Berlin" later this week. Bush went and reversed an executive order and the price of gas in my area dropped fifty cents in the nine days I was away. I admit I was caught off guard. I figured that this would be a slow time in the campaign and I could sneak off to Alaska for a little hunting and fishing and I wouldn't miss much. I thought I'd go up join in with a few of my eco-insensitive brothers and have a look at where the new oil wells are going to be, grab a nice polar bear and bald eagle sandwich and be back before the riots and the real mudslinging got into high gear.

I had a good look around up there in the 49th state and here's what I learned: You could stick a few thousand drilling rigs out there on the tundra and I don't think anyone would notice. Most of the Native Alaskans I spoke with--for you who still think English should be used in an exact manner I mean the people we used to call Eskimos, not all people who are really native to Alaska--want more drilling!

"What!" you enlightened progressives say, "That can't be! Those indigenous peoples love the earth and don't want to see her despoiled." Wrong-o my leftist friends, just like all human beings, those whale hunting, seal clubbing mukluk wearers want as much oil to flow out of the frozen north as possible. "Why is that?" you may ask. There is a simple one word answer: money! As much as it may ruin the leftist image of our Native American brothers and sisters, they are just as human as the rest of us and the real green that drives the energy debate is not ecology, but cash!

Every person in Alaska who has lived there long enough is a stockholder in the state oil business. Not directly, but profits from Big Evil Oil Companies leases are put into the government fund and whatever is left after the politicians skim off their graft is divided up among the eligible residents. Every year, they get a check from the government for their share of the business. In 2007, it was $1,654. Oil averaged less than $70 dollars a barrel for that year. This year the average has been over $120, so the dividend from the permanent fund should rise quite a bit this year. Imagine that check if the the flow of oil from the frozen north doubled. Now add in a couple of trillion of cubic feet of natural gas. Those kooky Alaskans just completed a big deal with Canada to ship a whole bunch of our natural gas to Canada through a pipeline the Canadians get to build. Can you begin to see why those who will have to live closest to the new oil and gas production are all for it? This new gas pipeline is going to ship over four billion cubic feet per day. Per day!

On top of that, there are corporations which are entirely owned by the native tribes and rake in millions more from the leases they grant to Evil Big Oil. Guess what those nutty Eskimos want to do? They want to open ANWR and drill. Think I'm making that up? Here is a quote from Jacob Adams, Chief of the Inupiat Eskimos and the president and chairman of something called the Arctic Slope Regional Corporation:

"It is our experience that carefully regulated oil exploration and development can take place on the private and public lands inside the Coastal Plain study area. We believe the oil industry has made good on its promise to preserve our environment, while providing economic opportunity for our people and energy security for our country."

So if the native peoples in Alaska want drilling, and the vast majority of Americans want drilling, and just a simple act of the president negating an executive order could send gas prices down, why aren't we getting ready to drill? Six words: Environmental extremists own the Democrat Party.