Notes from the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: John Kerry, a Friend through Thick and Thick Jeffrey Jena | Bio

OK, I know all of you progressives hate Bush, but when you look at what a turd John Kerry continues to be, you have to, deep in your heart of hearts, in your intellectual honesty, when you lay your head down on the pillow at night and offer up your prayers to Gaia, Vishnu or to random chance in the case of you atheists, know it's best that we sent him back to Massachusetts where things are already so whacked that he couldn't do too much more damage.

It's one thing to say you have changed your mind about someone, but when you asked a man to be the vice president and then say he isn't worthy to be president, it makes you look, what's the right word, moronic. That is just what John Kerry did this weekend on the national airwaves. I was just waiting for him to say something like, "I would have voted for him to be vice president right before I didn't vote for him for president."

I know John Kerry served in Viet Nam; he used to remind us every 15 minutes, but when he was in the military, he failed to learn one of the most basic things that bond soldiers together both on and off of the field of battle, and that is this: "I've got your back!"

Would it have been awful for John Kerry or Barack Obama if Kerry would have said something like:

"I once considered asking John McCain to serve as my vice presidential candidate. He is a great American hero and a fine senator. I cannot, however, support him for president because I believe he has turned away from the ideals that gave him his reputation for being a maverick. In my opinion, he has turned so far right to appease his party's base that I hardly recognize him politically. I have already given my endorsement and my whole-hearted support to Barack Obama."

John Kerry would never say anything like that for two reasons. First, nobody would have taken any notice of his words. I am no psychologist, but Kerry strikes me as one of those guys who thinks it's a slow news day if his name isn't in the headlines.

Second, since that statement has style and class, it is beyond John Kerry's ability to utter it or anything like it. Even though Kerry has managed to marry into huge amounts of money, twice, he hasn't been able to find any class, nor buy any style. After hearing him dish on John McCain this Sunday, is it any wonder that the swiftboat vets turned on him? I can't help but think there is some vet somewhere who wonders why he didn't give Kerry a good smack in the kisser when he had the chance. I don't know John Kerry. He may be the nicest guy you would ever want to meet, but I doubt it. He just seems like a bit of a wet blanket. He's the guy who was always trying too hard to fit in. You didn't want to be rude to him, but when he finally went home, the party kicked into high gear.